who shot ya..  व्हो शोट या?

i shot me..  i killed me..  i hated me..  i loved me..  

i shot me..  there is no one else here..  how do you know??  is this theory or experience?  i know from experience..  but i get lost in theory too..  i have built, destroyed, attacked, loved, opened, closed, my eyes, your eyes, whose eyes????????  look in the mirror..  look behind what you "see"  look into your own "in ti ma cy"...  dont be afraid..  dont let your ego protect you...  from the real you...  look into the dark...

i killed me...  how sad...  how sad..  you...  YOU..  you..  me...  given the gift of being spirit in a conscious human body..  and you killed it...  i killed it..  forgot the gift..  forgot the blessing..  forgot the truth of who i am.. of who you are..  of who we are..  i killed me..  i forgot me..  do you remember..  i do..  no more killing me..  by me..  no more suicide..  

i hated me.. by hating you..  by projecting onto you..  by running from who i am..  and seeing all my faults in you not in me..  see easy to blame the other.. so hard to look into the mirror..  no rush...  one day you will see..  you have not choice..  take your time..  slow.. fast..  no matter..  you can only run from you for so long..  one day... one day..  you will awaken..  awaken from the dream that is other..  and sleep back into yourself.

i loved me..  i loved me by loving you..  i loved me..  i loved you and loved my experience of myself around you...  reminding myself that i love me..  but i needed you to be my mirror of me..  so i could see...  there is only me..  so who do i love? 

you may only understand this if you do not read it..  you may only understand this if you do not speak it..  you may only understand this if you close your eyes...  you may only understand this if you open your hand...  you may only understand this if you remember...  remember..  the moment you fell asleep...  and awoke in this dream... you may only understand this if you go back to sleep.. 

you have only one requirement in each lifetime.  be authentic to yourself..................

relating in relationship????

This may be a multi part blog..  been playing with this one in my head and my heart for awhile..  mainly because i have learned from relating to myself, others, and myself again in all relationships..  romantic..  friendship.. business.. etc..  what do we "expect" from others...????  should we expect from others?? if we truly learned  to live in the present not project from the past and expect in the future would we be open to see what is truly here in every moment..  LOVe???  Love is a dangerous word..  it means different things to different people, so let me clarify what LOVe means to me..  LOVe = to be compassionate to oneself and to others..  to accept others for who they are, what they enjoy, and feels right to them no matter how directly opposite it may be from my views in the moment.  LOVe is everything and NOthing..  This idea of LOVe is not the idea most of us are raised with here are some examples of the old "love" = compromise, give to get, keeping pro and con points, who does more of, who does less of, why cant you be this way, why cant you be that way..

 LOVe.......   if you can imagine, is the warmest safest place you have ever been, it opens it arms to you no matter what..  i literally mean NO MATTER WHAT..  no matter how "bad" or how "good" you believe yourself or others to be LOVe will always be there with open arms..  in relationship i have seen myself learn to LOVe, and i have watched my self "love"...  the more i LOVe the less i love..  the more i am present, the less i project from the past into the present, the more i am present the less i project into the future and create worry about what will and what wont happen, and finally the more i am actually here in the present moment not created by the past or the future which means i am never really here, i finally get to be here to experience LOVe!