7

remember that the WORK on ourselves proceeds layer by layer, from the most external forms of personality to the inner core of our being.

six

i have much to pour out today. first i am heading down to the chek institute with my pops tomorrow, so i wont be back to blogging until next monday ; ) today i have had many many many thoughts, i will share what i feel is most important for me to hear.. again, is there anyone else really here with me? and when i am talking am i really only talking to myself? i know these answers for my truths.. but think about this.. isn't it interesting that we give our best advice to others.. but find it hard to listen to our own inner advice, and in the end the advice you give to others is really the advice that you yourself should be listening to but we usually seek another to tell themselves there own advice to us, so we can listen to them.. hahahahaha seriously???????????? i am craking up for real out loud right now.. that is freakin funny.. and should give you a taste of how there really is no one else here.. imagine many different street lights running down the street, lets name those street lights = jator, sonja, nestor, alex, meg, julie, mariko, simone, jack, tom, matt, tara, etc... now each of these street lights are "seperate" in our perception and they are each their own street light, but here it is boys and girls they are all powered by the same "source" of energy, it is all the same light coming out of each of the posts or people.. interesting.. or am i nutz? well of course i believe i am not because i have seen and been this light and can remember it in this lifetime, but that is only my humble perception, projection, and since what i perceive i believe well it could all just be a very good story i have spun for myself so that i dont think i am crazy... but i could be..
i do not know my own best interests.. everything is as it should be.. perception creates reality.. what you think grows.. there is no one else here..
pops and i talking the other day about "i am's" i am a hockey player, i am a chek practitioner, i am athletic, i am, i am, i am, i am... really these i am's are also stories i have spun about who i am.. and there is a lot of attachment to these i am's. i can remember telling mariko that i would rather die than be in a wheelchair because i would no longer be who i am.. i said that because the amount of attachment to who "i am" is freaking humungous! i would rather be dead then be in a wheelchair because i would no longer be who i think i am.. funnny thing is that in my next lifetime i would be presented with the same lesson and would at somepoint have to work thru that.. now i am not saying i would be jumping for joy if i was in a wheelchair, and i dont know what i would do.. but my perception on the situation has changed into "i do not know my best interest" and that everything that happens to me experientially, has been placed there by nothing but unconditional love, and there are lessons and gifts NO MATTER WHAT! this is a hard one to swallow, especially when it comes to huge attachments, i learned this lesson loud and clear with my past relationship. so many gifts learned from my good friend mariko, i can never thank her enough, she was one of the catalysts three years ago to this path
and my time with her helped me to grow exponentially into who i am today, my time with her has taught me so many things about myself and my ego and without her in my life at the exact right time i may have never learned these lessons and found these paths but in this lifetime it was meant to be.. so many lessons, and gifts.

thank you bebe..

fever

my mirror.
i thought.
was broken.
unhealed, un-whole, needed fixing, needed, needed, needed.
my mirror.
my mirror.
my mirror.
from the rabbit hole, i see.
i see now.
i see me.
i see you.
i see source.
i see we.
we need no fixing, no healing, no need, need, need.
we are beautiful beyond.
beyond comprehension.
animal and spirit.
do not waste this gift.
explore this gift.
experience this gift.
be grateful for this gift.
evolve with this gift, because you can.
we are love.
we are peace.
we are, we are.
i am free

foooooooooooour

i have had many conversations with folks having a hard time seeing how others are a mirror for their own issues. i can see how this is hard, it was hard for me as well. issues with others that raise your blood are usually hidden aspects of yourself that you deny, hide, or do not like. many get lost in translation with this, they are very locked into their intellectual mind and are only searching for literal translation (i know this because i have done the same) in fact my ego really likes to fight me on this one, and it try's very hard to convince me that life is no fun if i cant blame others, judge others, etc.. its not fun if i cant separate, its no fun to look within ; ) what i mean by literal translation is they are looking at the specific situation, and others actions/reactions and saying "i would not act like that, or have not acted like that, in that situation" but to go deeper you must look metaphorically at the issue where and when in your life have you reacted similarly to this person or wanted to but did not? not specifically in the same situation but at anytime in your life.. look deep and you will find, if your open to the right side of your brain, open to admitting to yourself who you truly can be, and not afraid of what you will find. if you cant find it, give it time and come back to it, the ego is excellent at hiding this stuff from us. as you find parts of your ego that need healing, do not then turn the judgment onto yourself, that is just as bad as judging others, remember we are all one, and no one else is in the room. as i write this i realize that i am only talking to myself and i needed this talk for me.. maybe this is harder than i think? i am still learning about self, so much to explore and learn. everyday i feel lighter on my feet and more connected to my true self, source. practice practice practice, be open, listen to that quiet voice deep inside you, to be able to listen to that voice you need sleep, water, nutrition, movement, paying attention to thoughts, and breathing.

remember "what you think grows" and "what you perceive you believe"

3

the path of self-realization is an interesting one. so many questions from others, and many questions for myself. i guess i have less questions now because i feel i know the truth (my truth) and having the experience of truth manifests trust in who i truly am at my core. i find myself in contemplation almost all the time, not as a buddha sitting underneath a tree, but as jator, living life, working out, playing hockey, working, resting, talking, being with friends and family etc.. living my life as what i truly believe it is, an experience.. an experience that i am trying not to label, it just is.. this has helped me to love many parts of me that i used to label, which honestly do not need labeling. i am who i am in this exact moment, i can choose in every moment who i want to be.. that is so freeing to me.. its so interesting to learn that i do not need to buy into the stories i have spun about myself. "Who am I" has a whole new meaning.. i am enjoying the gifts.. i am enjoying being..

love

tOO

today.. my brain chemistry is back to normal. when i go out and party, it takes me a long time to feel everything fall back into place. to open my eyes and actually recognize the movie that is playing thru my projections. yes, my projections are changing.. dramatically, but most times i recognize the projection as my own, after partying its almost as if i am watching anothers projections thru my own eyes, which can be scary.. thoughts of "when will i come back" to my own projection, or am i lost forever? but again i am back to what i perceive as "my" projection and since i perceive it and it is mirrored back to me i actually believe it as truth, but really who the hell knows, it might not be truth.. i have discovered the only one truth for myself and that is what i am at my core.. source, love, expansive, all. everything else is an illusion, but the only illusion or "reality" at this time, until i go back home to source. the day is beautiful, full of gifts, lessons, and practice.. thank you for the practice everyday. thank you for being you.. me?

nourishment
6am-3pm london broil sliced with yellow peppers, tomato, celtic salt, paprika, cayeanne, coconut oil and raw cream. also had a little bit of raw cashew butter for a little treat.

3pm-9pm chicken thighs/thyme/basil/coconut oil/2eggs/cabbage/kale

look in the mirror and see if you can "see" who you really are?

uno

i am BACK.. took the last month off to focus on the physical aspect of my change, plus wanted to party a little ; ) so i did... late nights, friends, new and old.. change.. change is good. i am not afraid of change, embracing change.. embrace the new.. away with the old.. melting and changing. back to the physical emotional mental spiritual, need a complete me, not just one aspect, but sometimes i need pure focus on one. many have seen a change in my personality over the last month, i am fine, as you focus so intently on one aspect the others may regress.. so i regress as well.. but ole' jpg is back. with love and qi in my heart for all beings, opening the gifts everyday.

kiss kiss bang bang