This New Year's Eve you can lay the groundwork for continued growth without making any resolutions except one—to let go of the past, connect with yourself, to Wake Up, and be Present.     न्यू येअर्स एवे

can i share? really?

शेयर   most of my thoughts and feelings that i share here on this blog are not truth...  To me, that means a couple of things, first off anything i share here is an interpretation of what source shares with me..  source never lies, but as soon as i intrepret what i think source is sharing through my words, thoughts, emotions, i may skew what source is sharing with me.  Second, once i share with you, and you read my words, thoughts, emotions, well...... then each of us will attach different meanings to every single word, meme, and meme complex.  Communication, gets very interesting when you look at it from that point of view.  at least this is what i feel as "truth" in this moment..  there are many more ways that i am not sharing truth, but i will save that for another day.  All that being said, here is my interpretion of what source shared with me yesterday..  by the way i have no idea what the hell source is or if i completly make all this #*%# up..  i could actually be completely insane and continuing to sell myself different stories about life, myself, others, but on the other hand i could be completely sane..  AM I....  IN-SANE?  as in...  living IN........  SANEITY.....????  or as in living truly INSANE?...  interesting...  i wonder..  a lot.... . . .  .  .  .  .   .   .   .   .   .    .    .    .    .
so, have you ever heard something that feels and sounds true, but it may take many repititions until it solidifies in your head..  i mean you can almost feel it, click.. and your like whoa..  i get it???  at least that is what i am like.  so yesterday i was sharing with a beautiful butterfly about the "waves" of life,  now i use "waves" or "fire" as a metaphor for the times when i am challenged to grow and evolve..  the true work, its easy when its easy, the universe will test you and that is when the "waves" and/or "fires" appear..  i enjoy these for some sick reason..  maybe because i feel that they push my consciousness, and maybe not.  anywho..  i was contemplating, about this "wave" that i will semi share, and actually not share at all (just read again the start of this blog) for awhile i have been navigating attachment to a cetain situation in my life..  thinking thoughts like, it would be better if..  there would be less "waves" when..  if only it was like this...  and on and on and on..  so..  to my click we go..  the future, and future thinking is purely curiosity..  what do i mean?  well, i had attachment to something happening in the future and thinking that things would be better if certain things would change, the fact is no matter what your situation there will ALWAYS BE WAVES, at times, and there WILL ALWAYS BE NO WAVES AT TIMES, that is the true nature of the universe..  "AND THIS WILL CHANGE"  nothing is constant and nothing is forever except for unconditional love, which is inside you..  it is source.. or maybe it isnt..  i dont know.  the future is CURIOSITY because you can only be curious about what will happen, there is absolutely no way you can know what will happen because between this point and the next there is literally an infinite number of possibilities.  this can get much much much deeper..  but in general when you are thinking about the future (curiosity) or the past (confusion) you are literally hypnotized out of this present moment...  so i ask "where are you, now?"  my point is, and isnt, do not attach to the future, take steps in the now to "consciouslly" create your future.  imagination is an amazing tool.  dive within yourself and you will see the games we all play..

"If you are ready to disappear, I am already not there. I exist only in your mind. As far as my own existence is concerned it is not there. If you are ready to dissolve, suddenly you will become aware that you have dissolved into a nothingness; there is neither master nor disciple."

इ ऍम थे द्रगों
i am the dragon

i dream.. i dream.. i dream..

दरें
i am running..  so very fast, not high level athlete fast, but comic book fast, the "flash" fast.  speeding around the world multiple times per second..  alone..  can anyone else run with me?  yes, of course others are running at the same speed, but where are they?  at that very moment that thought passes into being alive, i see a flash before my eyes..  another runner..  another warrior.. another....  i decide to see if i can catch him/her so we can meet and play at "our" level, if there is such a thing.  i finally catch up with my fast friend, and we both stop to chat..  we look into each others eyes for a moment..  i see myself, he see's himself.  i was so excited, like a child on christmas, opening a gift, this gift to me brought a relief, i am not "alone", there are others, i dont have to "think" that i have to teach others to play with me anymore, let that go, only teach when asked, only teach from silence when not asked.  i have found my playmate.  after our moment of contemplation into each other, i ask him in my full childlike excitement "DO YOU WANT TO RUN WITH ME AND PLAY!!!!!??????" his response was a loud "NO"..  i was crushed, but decided to push further rather than be silent and continue to play alone..  "why not?" i asked..  "because, i am afraid that you may be faster than me, i am afraid you may be more developed than me, i am afraid to lose, i am afraid." he said.  my heart sunk..  finally i found a playmate, but he was afraid to play with me because of his attachment to being "special"...  heavy heart..  i begged him, i told him that i did not care who was faster, who was more developed, that we both have much to learn and grow from each other, i just wanted to play... play.. play...  please play with me i asked.. he looked into my eyes, i saw my old self, i was filled with empathy and compassion, and he took off in a flash...  gone............................................................................................  i stood there, contemplating, watching, observing self, what comes up for me, what hurts and pains are here..  what do i need????  hmmmmmmm..  at that moment i decided to harness all of my energies, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually,  align myself and pour it all into running faster than i have ever run..  the stress to push my evolution to its next becoming..  i took off in a flash, in fact i was running so fast i was not even moving, just vibrating, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster...  until i disappeared from this plane of reality..  and found myself in another dimension entirely..  i was reborn, this place was free of all the old constructs, free to grow again, free to grow consciously, free to re-wire myself completely..  free....  in that instant, another playmate appeared, it was neither male/female, it was all, and nothing..  it spoke to me without speaking, without words, without any language that is here on this plane,  no body language, nothing, just a pure knowing.  we both took off at the exact moment, and played and played and played..  i had found my spirtual equal, it had found it's spiritual equal..  we were supported, we were safe, we were and still are one..
DREAM

लोस ऑफ़ सेल्फ LOSS OF SELF!  i have spent the last seven years uprooting other peoples ideas "weeds" out of my psyche, including my own old ideas that were formed from others ideas living within me,  Value memes, social matrix memes, sub memes, memes..  As i have up rooted these "weeds" i have created a beautiful compost bin that is breaking these useless ideas down into the most amazing health, life, vitality, energizing, expanding, allowing, loving, creating, letting go, pure compost to grow my new beautiful mind garden..  the soil is bio-dynamic, full of life and full of source.  It is pure, bursting with life and is pulsing with the creative force of the universe, this is my new soil, to consciously grow my new mind within..  I am now truly farming self awarenss.  Although it feels intangable at times, in the sense of the unknown, the abyss that i am stepping into, but the alternative, to live as i once did is much more horryifying, the insanity that used to be me..  un-learning all that has been learned.  To be almost empty of the past...  Reborn mind..  Opprotunity to truly cultivate self, rather than waking up at thrity three and realizing, i have been living others ideas my whole life..  where have i been?

i am now re-birthing my mind.  Free to now consciously create myself in the present moment.  FREE!  I am lost and I am found.  I am alone, I AM ONE.  Wide eyed.  Reborn as a mature child.  The old construct is gone.  Empty.. Full.. The most extreme sad..  The most extreme happy.  The two dragons always playing with one another.  Complete let go.  I step into the abyss.  I trust.  I let go.  I see beyond my own cocoon.  Old jator is hanging on by threads..  he says goodbye to you all..  rebirth is upon me..

LOVe

थ्रौघ वर्ड   Through word.  Dialog with self.  i have been having much dialog with others.  the fires that transform us.  those people that "annoy, trigger, etc"  the only way this can happen to be annoyed, triggered, blame, is if there is actual past "points" of pain in these areas that these "teachers" bring to our awareness.  past metaphorical holes in spirit, or are they literal, dunno?  i do know that a part of me feels this is true, and another part of me is very curious about this.  i can always find these wounds within myself around the teachers that bring this into my awareness.  such a beautiful gift, observance of self, self exploration, diving into the depths that are potentially infinite.  in fact and not in fact at all i can get lost out there in consciousness....  i play with my animal to remember and be grateful for the gift of the animal as well.  i am here to embrace both..  to explore both..  to be conscious of both..  feel my cells breathe, feel cellular respiration, feel awareness, feel the construct within and without..  exploration of all SELF feels right, then again it feels not right at all..  not knowing..  letting go.. being..  who am i????????  really???  i am not jator..  physically yes i am on this plane as jator, but how many other planes am i truly on??  past lives?  Einstein did not believe in past lives, or even time for that matter..  just parallels...  parallels..  arise and pass.. and this to will change.  i except that i know nothing.  beginners mind.. start fresh..  open.. free.  i do not know my own best interest..  or do i??  lost and found at the same time..  strange place.. strange feeling..  beautiful.. the journey continues..

इ ऍम थे करब i am the conscious hermit crab.  as a cancer i tend to stay in my shell, be introverted, emotional, moody ; ) or is my sign only the winds that blow my sails? and i have choice?????  i believe i have choice but have my choices all been made already??  just watching the movie now frame by frame already knowing deep inside or outside what is next?  at least these are the stories i have sold to my-self and the boxes i have put myself in.  truth for me possilbly?  part of me feels so..  part of me is curious about what i feel..  hmmmm feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel..  thoughts = emotions = feelings..  projections of the past..  i am now.  so here is my now awareness shared with my-SELF and you, me.  i am that hermit crab you see at the beach..  my shell has grown tight, too tight, in fact so tight i have two choices, stay in my shell and numb myself to the point i forget that my shell is too tight and continue to live distracted, or let go of old shell and begin the search to find a more expansive home.  my new home is being created by me consciously.  i am uprooting the confines of the old shell, all others ideas that have been downloaded into my consciousness without me even knowing it.  even saying that feels confining.  brings about a pain in my gut, it is truth for me..   how scary and wonderful truth can be/is/was/maybe.  my new home is being built with my new awareness, i am making the rules/non rules, i am picking and choosing who and what i am, at least i think i am picking and choosing, it might just be beyond me, beyond my scope, for now i feel i am creating this new home, as i create i will find new levels of awareness, this may change my view on myself creation, or am i just a vessel for something else working through me?  source?  or could i be completly lying to myself and this is a big game my shadow is playing on me to make me believe i am on the right path???  hmmmm interesting..  deep within me i feel alignment.  i feel flow..  at least i think i do..  i am open, out of my shell, on the beach without a home (for the moment), it is a beautiful day, just like everyday, perfect, changing, expanding, perfect..  the seagulls are out, looking for a nice tender hermit crab meal, i see them, circling, waiting, hmmmm, my claw has grown strong from so much holding on to the past, so much holding on has created the awareness to let go, i can trust.  the holding on created a huge claw that can protect me from the seagulls, the claw has a new use, it is just there, i no longer need it, just trust it.  the seagulls see it, they know the power it holds, they see a crab who trusts, who see's all is one, i no longer look like a meal to them, i am their brother, i am connected, they see the shift occur..  as we shift together..  grow together.  are one together.  i bask in the beauty of this moment.

ja

एम्ब्रस हुमिलिटी embrace humility.  if we each would let go of the past.  be present, truly,  and embrace humility..   hmmmm what would life be like?  the ego would be down to a thread in an instant.  we would each truly see love.  it would be nirvana.  embrace humility my friends, embrace not knowing, embrace letting go, there are only half truths available anyway.  at least that is truth and not truth for me, in this moment.

इ कैन फली today i saw truth.
 
i see what i truly am.
 
in an instant i was everything and no thing at once.
 
to the edge of the universe,
 
inside all sentient beings, 
 
instant movement without thought.
 
being in my true mothers arms, 
 
so warm,
 
so beautiful,
 
so safe.
 
Beyond this "reality".
 
they were my arms,
 
holding me.
 
i was truly home.
 
i now know what it feels like to be back home in source.
 
the original womb.
 
where there is no polarity.
 
in zero, 
 
with spirit,
 
with me,
 
with all,
 
connected,
 
no separation,
 
no duality,
 
just GOD.
 
dissolve the ego,
 
unconditional love,
 
truly home,
 
swirling thru time and space in an instant.
 
thought creates reality.
 
e-motion, energy in motion, but motionless.
 
what??????
 
self-realization, truly there.
 
touch it.
 
feel it.
 
immersed in it, surrounded by love, am love, be love, we love.
 
enveloping bliss, truth, god, source, expansive.
 
seeing through eyes, with no eyes, true eyes, true self, original eyes.
 
eyes without judgment, projection, guilt, shame, fear, hate, jealousy.
 
eyes of only unconditional love.
 
eyes do no justice, you cant see here with eyes, they are useless, confining, separating, projecting...
 
new eyes are expansive, without "eyes", without "mind", just zero.
 
i am the elements.
 
i am the cosmos.
 
i am the earth.
 
i am being and no being.
 
i am everything and nothing.
 
nowhere, everywhere.
 
there are no others, no one else in the room, we are all one.
 
i know this from experience, not belief, a truth............. knowing.
 
i know now, in every facet of self, every cell, i know what i truly am,
 
i cannot hide, or run,
 
 it is done, it is done, it is done!
 
no return, i enter the desert, with calmness in my heart, walking the path of the Tao.
 
i have all i need within me.
 
the diamond realizing the diamond.
 
i am love.  i am safe.  i am secure.  i am flow.  i am self-will.  i am giving and receiving love.  i am communication.  i am creative.  i am spirit.
 
mastering self.
 
playing with and observing ego.
 
evaporating judgments of self and others, unlearning all that has been learned.
 
trusting universal wisdom.
 
trusting intuition.
 
trusting true self.
 
I AM GOD, YOU ARE GOD, WE ARE GOD, WE ARE ONE.
 
 
 
LOVE AND QI TO MY SOUL TRIBE, AND TO ALL SENTIENT BEINGS, SEEN AND UNSEEN, HEARD AND UNHEARD.
 
jator

इ ऍम ओने  i am one.  my consciousness expands daily, seeing more, letting more go, opening, healing what is already healed, seeing the truth of myself.  not judging my self or others.  doing my best in every moment not to live through the filters of the past and project them into this present moment.  i am not the past..  the past is confusion.  the future is curiosity.  the present is contentment.  i am letting go the past...  seeing myself in this present moment. seeing others in this present moment.  trusting my soul to guide me.. listen to the quiet voice it says.  do not listen to the reactive voice, the dog that is the ego.. the slave that is the ego..  i choose my perception.  i create my reality.  i choose to see truth.  i choose to let go.  i choose to trust.  i am in flow.  i have felt all and none many times.  i continue to grow and shrink.  i continue to see all sides of each story..  i continue.. i continue..  every word i speak has meaning.  every word i hear has meaning.  every moment is perfection in motion.  every moment is pure perfection.  every person i meet no matter how little the interaction is for a reason.. is for a gift of awareness is a gift of the moment.  is a gift of truth as long as i can see through the eyes of the moment and not project the past into this present moment to actually be living in the past rather than in the future/present/past all at the same time.. which is this exact moment.

love 

ट्रुथ = truth
my roots run deep...  deep to hell..  my consciousness is free.. free to heavens.  i grow mature.  i choose to expand and take ownership of self.  as life on this planet we each must grow old, but the gift we received as humans is the gift to grow up.  to re-awaken after being lost in the memes of society, the memes of others, the memes of my parents.  i now choose the games i play rather than unconsciously being played by the games.  i observe. i see. i observe.  day by day my mirror cleans.. pressures grow..  diamond being formed.  i grow mature.

 समुराई

  i walk through the fog.  i cannot see.  i know the path, but this path cannot be guided by my physical senses.  This path cannot be guided by my strong and steady light houses of the past.  This path can only be walked with trust, flow, open heart, and letting go.  I can no longer cling to the past.  I can no longer expect the future.  I can only walk in this very moment and free myself.  i can see the path without my eyes.  i can walk the path with out my shoes.  i can feel the path without my skin.  i can taste the path without my mouth.  i can hear the path without my ears.  i am the path and the path is me.  we are one.  illusion is dissolving.  truth is arising.  my Hanzu is sharpened daily.

लव २

more thoughts on love.. if "we" "you" or "i" falsely use the word love.. then we should at least be honest about it..

i "love" you if .....
i "love" you when .....
i'd "love" having sex with you as long as ....

i would also ask how do you love yourself daily?

Are you giving to others in a state of "guilt" becoming the martyr? Are you giving to others with the unconcious idea of getting "love" back? i.e sending a text of love and getting dissapointed when it is not returned to you??
if you do not give love to yourself "selfish" (beautiful word in my book) and you are always giving away what you do not possess can you see how that can turn into resentment of others? you can not truly love anyone until you learn how to truly love yourself. when your "i" cup of love runneth over you will be truly giving "we" love to another and yourself.

love. what a wonderful word. at the same time what a dangerous word. be careful my friends. be careful.

लव

LOVE. a dangerous thought. misunderstood word. ask yourself. what does love mean to you? what does it mean to love another? what do you need to "feel" loved... pay very close attention to what comes up for you. love like all things has many different meanings to many different people. many many many different meanings. get clear very clear on what the word "love" truly means... love does not mean.. Control. Lust. Fear. Anger. Loneliness. Cash Cow. Security or Safety. Comfort. Tolerate or Tolerable. Neediness. Sex. Perversion. Favor. Barter. Leverage. Revenge. Infection or Infectious. Jealously.

What are you actually disguising as "love"

काफ्फी

What does "coffee" mean to Me? self? SELF? =

speed. high. scared of stillness. left brain. hinders. sugar release. escape. numb. run from self. avoidance. disconnect. addiction. emotional connection to Cuba. taste. keeps me animal. running from higher self. sympathetic. cortisol. hiding. last play with old self. run from legacy. holding on to old self.

today it is done. today i am done. last piece of old jator to let go. my dragon wings must be used now. goodbye jator.. goodbye..

शादो सेल्फ

as i get deeper within self i find how my shadow enjoys lying to me (slippery lil guy he is ; ) this last time taking the enneagram test i put my ego aside and let my soul guide me.. i truly answered with what goes on inside me rather than what i want people to perceive about me.. i stoped lying to self. i also have been doing much much deep ego dissolving for the past three years, up rooting memes, vmems and the like to get to the core of who i think i am. as i heal my mirror becomes clearer and i have less filter through my perception of self and others. i am not afraid to admit my "faults" and short comings, rather i embrace them as opprotunities for healing/ growth and self realization with no judgment, fear, shame, guilt, anger. i am trusting in source, trusting in spirit, trusting in SELF/self and loving this experience we call life. recognizing there is only unconditional love in all experience and enjoying the journey my soul has chosen for me and the lessons i need to learn and grow from in this lifetime.

with

L O Ve

रूट चक्र

0-7------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i have tribe, support, LOVe. i have internal mother, peace trust flow security energy in the form of money. my physical needs are met i am stable and strong physically mentally emotionally spiritually. my body is my temple. my body is my vehicle. my body is my animal. i love my body. there is no room in my body for anything but health and balance of yin and yang forces. i was given all the love that is needed to grow through this chakra with vitality health and balance. i am cultivating and manifesting clients, i am cultivation with love in my heart. i am thankful to mother earth for all of her support of my animal and spiritual self. i am thankful to her for her life blood.. water.. she gives me balance p,e,m,s.. i am committed to loving myself, we, all. i am committed to healing all aspects of jator. i am committed to the loving of the kosmos, loving of all parts of me. to cultivating water within. to seeing in every moment the love that is present always. i am open and free. i am a free thinker. free of the root memes, meta memes, and sub memes.. i trust, i let go, i am unlearning all that has been learned, i let go. i flow with source. i trust in source. i trust my soul. i trust spirit. i see i see i see. my internal mother is always there loving me, caring for me excepting me, holding me loving my authentic self. my root chakra spins perfectly and gives me the ability to move through all other chakras with full awarness and pure growth. healed and let go. open for growth and exposure. I LET GO

दरें

DREAM - walk the path of self-realization. fall in love with SELF/self. fully develop into a chek level 0. fully develop as a human being. become child again. become innocent again. unlearn all learned. open to intuition. cultivate beginners mind. sacred listener. true communication. open. free. knowing not knowing. DREAM BABY DREAM!

fire transforms. i am transforming. the weekend with JP Sears. a mirror. i hold it all in my hands. past present future. there is only this exact moment. this moment of clarity. this moment of beauty. only this moment. i am spirit. i am animal. i am conscious of both. both are sacred. both are me and not me at all within this same moment. who am i? i am not jator. i am only having the experience of being jator. allow.. let go.. trust. be. see. see. see. see. observe. observe. play. play. play. free. free. free. this moment is beauty. beauty beauty.

this time with jp. i have found my lost brother. never lost. always here. always here. jp and i born from the same womb. womb of life.. womb of wu-chi.. a blessing.. soul contract.. jp i remember. i remember. i "see" you my brother.

free. i have been waking up free. free.. not in body.. no pain.. no tightness.. no backpack full of ish... free.. the more i free myself emotionally, mentally, spirtully, my body literally mirrors this.. our mind literally creates our body.. free your mind and free your body of disease, pain, discomfort, free yourself. it is such a gift from the universe to be soul in human body.. become a co-creator if you please.. or enjoy whatever journey you want to manifest.. your journey to free yourself will start either this lifetime or another.. no rush.. no matter.. all experience.

UC

WHO SAYS WE AINT GOT TRIBE IN RICHMOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bonfire... beef stew... drumming circle... moonlight... family... love... support... talk.. taste... feel...

we got tribe in RICHMOND....!

i was reminded of you twice this weekend. OUCH! what a gift.. more fire to emerse my SELF in. strange to me how my ego is still in so much pain around you.. guess i convinced my self for years that you were the one.. which really caused some deep deep record grooves... slowly filling the groves, and creating new ones, but quite interesting to see the pain, arise and pass.. arise and pass.. i was glad to be reminded this weekend of you.. others of course speaking your name.. hmmmmmmmmmm the universe loves to play.. so i will play as well.. i am sending a pure unconditional blessing to you.. "I forgive myself for any ego/shadow activity during our relationship, I forgive you for any ego/shadow activity during our relationship, and I forgive in witness to any of those as well".. blessings blessings blessings.. AHO! it is done it is done it is done.. i am free from those ego attachments.. i am free from my future and my past.. i only live in the now.. i am the DRAGON and i am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

dragon sleep.. dragon wake.. dragon play.. dragon fight.. dragon stretch.. dragon watch.. dragon be.. dragon sleep............................

early bed.. early morning

greetings.. i have been going to bed earlier and earlier and getting up earlier naturally.. this way of living is much easier on the body's systems than the alternate of staying up late and sleeping in.. i have not been able to find much specific research on this but have noticed a decrease in stress within my own p,e,m,s self. i have spoken with other practitioners that employ this method and they have had the same result.. i can wake up early, refreshed, do some chi gong, stretch, meditate, or just contemplate. this also makes time to get other work done with no distractions, since most are not up at this time you/we are free.. i turn the cell phone off a lot these days to free myself, and my mind.. the more freedom we posses in mind the more we posses in "reality"... shackles are distractions.. free yourself.. free myself.
love

my feet rooted deep within the earth.
my crown deeply exploding into the kosmos.
finally i see.
i am one.
i am whole.
i see truth.
i am truth.
the void is at my finger tips.
do i dare enter....

still in bliss.. everything is not "perfect" but everything is as it should be.. enjoying the experience of self, of life, of movement.. of the elements! Air, Earth, Fire, Water.... i am these.. i live these.. i breathe these.. we be these!

the dragon has been released!

i am aligned. my body is a temple. i flow freely. i flow lovingly. my chakras spin easily. i am realizing. i am loving. i am allowing. i am opening. i am grateful. i am spirit. i am expansive. i am creating. i am being. i am soul. i am sun. i am bliss. i am support. i am no mind. i am mind. i am realesing. i am nourishing. i am knowing. i am open. i am 5 again..

?

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER.

yin

exposed. growth. evolve. conscious. gift. to be a human being.. being.. conscious of your personal evolution. the beginning of the end begins now.

12059

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if i have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense"

Buddha

first day of the rest of my life 12049

for the last 4 months or so, i have been dealing with some pretty deep seeded pain. this pain taught me many many lessons. it also took me off course in some areas of my life.. it took me off course in terms of learning more through PPS, but it pushed me hard physically, and nutritionally to reach goals and heights that i have never reached until now. the pain is gone now, i have let it go, was it ever really there..?? the pain of attachment,the pain of future thought and what my ego thought should be, the pain of separation, the pain of rejection, the pain of what if's, the pain of self judgment, the pain of inadequacy, the pain of the ego.. i will not cover my heart in ice and protection, i will be open, i will let go, i am healed, i always have been, i am love, i am safe, i am all that i should be, i am source, look beyond my eyes, my body, what is there? you are there, i am there, we are there.. trust.. love.. explore.. evolve... experience..

chicken salad most of the day
salmon and zucchini for dinner

workout 1hr 11am

to bed NOW..

love

eleven

remember that holy law is the dynamic, living unity of everything as an unfolding process. There can be no independent doing or accomplishment because everything is happening together.

teeeeeeeen

a close friend lost his wife recently.. i have been supporting him, listening, talking, anything i can to help him through this rough time. all the while in my own head i have been thinking about what if this was my experience.. how would i deal.. man that is a tough one. with everything i know about my truths. my attachments to those close to me runs deeply. am i callous or rooted in true reality?

9

what i want for my birthday ; )

i want to be accepted for who i am, loved for who i am, others open to who i am. i want to be who i am in this moment, which could be the complete opposite of all past interactions with me. i want to be seen as i look at others, with eyes of acceptance, eyes of the present, love in my heart, beauty in all, the knowledge of who and what we truly are. to be free of others expectations to make them feel special and to be free of the belief of specialness is love... it is not.. to continue to see myself as i truly am.. to continue to grow and evolve.. to continue to enjoy all experience.. to forgive myself, and others. to expand. to be authentic to who i am in this moment.. to trust that mighty companions abound and are cultivated thru my actions and thoughts.. to accept that i do not know my own best interests.. to be grateful to all.. to pay attention to the mirror everyday every interaction.. to be in the moment.. to be free.. to see that all experience is exactly that, experience and to be grateful for every experience and to learn from each one. to cultivate conscious relationships.. to continue to be and practice awareness..

free to be who i think i am in this moment... that is what i want for my birthday.

8ight

ahhhhh.. the chek institute, my home away from home.. or should i say homes cuz i live in two currently ;) wow.. as usual amazing experience, it is a blessing to have a group of friends that are into what i consider my world at this moment. it feels safe, secure, free, and flowing. this weekend was filled with experience, and great times with pops.. laughed, explored, new friends, new contemplation, discussion, growth, evolution, beautiful...

it is nice to be home, home food, home water, home shower, home oils, home bed(ummmmm maybe not ha ha, its a twin at pops house that my feet hang off of, ahhhhh reality..)

my pops seems deep in love, enjoying the moment, i am happy for you pops.. in my perception of you, you are deserving of a person that brings out your smile and i am grateful to her for that..

nourishment for the day
2/3 of day Chicken apple sausage, kale, coconut oil, 6 boiled eggs
1/3 of the day Pork chops, asperagus, coconut oil, olive oil, salt, pepper, beef broth

my goal for tomorrow is peace and harmony in each and every encounter.

7

remember that the WORK on ourselves proceeds layer by layer, from the most external forms of personality to the inner core of our being.

six

i have much to pour out today. first i am heading down to the chek institute with my pops tomorrow, so i wont be back to blogging until next monday ; ) today i have had many many many thoughts, i will share what i feel is most important for me to hear.. again, is there anyone else really here with me? and when i am talking am i really only talking to myself? i know these answers for my truths.. but think about this.. isn't it interesting that we give our best advice to others.. but find it hard to listen to our own inner advice, and in the end the advice you give to others is really the advice that you yourself should be listening to but we usually seek another to tell themselves there own advice to us, so we can listen to them.. hahahahaha seriously???????????? i am craking up for real out loud right now.. that is freakin funny.. and should give you a taste of how there really is no one else here.. imagine many different street lights running down the street, lets name those street lights = jator, sonja, nestor, alex, meg, julie, mariko, simone, jack, tom, matt, tara, etc... now each of these street lights are "seperate" in our perception and they are each their own street light, but here it is boys and girls they are all powered by the same "source" of energy, it is all the same light coming out of each of the posts or people.. interesting.. or am i nutz? well of course i believe i am not because i have seen and been this light and can remember it in this lifetime, but that is only my humble perception, projection, and since what i perceive i believe well it could all just be a very good story i have spun for myself so that i dont think i am crazy... but i could be..
i do not know my own best interests.. everything is as it should be.. perception creates reality.. what you think grows.. there is no one else here..
pops and i talking the other day about "i am's" i am a hockey player, i am a chek practitioner, i am athletic, i am, i am, i am, i am... really these i am's are also stories i have spun about who i am.. and there is a lot of attachment to these i am's. i can remember telling mariko that i would rather die than be in a wheelchair because i would no longer be who i am.. i said that because the amount of attachment to who "i am" is freaking humungous! i would rather be dead then be in a wheelchair because i would no longer be who i think i am.. funnny thing is that in my next lifetime i would be presented with the same lesson and would at somepoint have to work thru that.. now i am not saying i would be jumping for joy if i was in a wheelchair, and i dont know what i would do.. but my perception on the situation has changed into "i do not know my best interest" and that everything that happens to me experientially, has been placed there by nothing but unconditional love, and there are lessons and gifts NO MATTER WHAT! this is a hard one to swallow, especially when it comes to huge attachments, i learned this lesson loud and clear with my past relationship. so many gifts learned from my good friend mariko, i can never thank her enough, she was one of the catalysts three years ago to this path
and my time with her helped me to grow exponentially into who i am today, my time with her has taught me so many things about myself and my ego and without her in my life at the exact right time i may have never learned these lessons and found these paths but in this lifetime it was meant to be.. so many lessons, and gifts.

thank you bebe..

fever

my mirror.
i thought.
was broken.
unhealed, un-whole, needed fixing, needed, needed, needed.
my mirror.
my mirror.
my mirror.
from the rabbit hole, i see.
i see now.
i see me.
i see you.
i see source.
i see we.
we need no fixing, no healing, no need, need, need.
we are beautiful beyond.
beyond comprehension.
animal and spirit.
do not waste this gift.
explore this gift.
experience this gift.
be grateful for this gift.
evolve with this gift, because you can.
we are love.
we are peace.
we are, we are.
i am free

foooooooooooour

i have had many conversations with folks having a hard time seeing how others are a mirror for their own issues. i can see how this is hard, it was hard for me as well. issues with others that raise your blood are usually hidden aspects of yourself that you deny, hide, or do not like. many get lost in translation with this, they are very locked into their intellectual mind and are only searching for literal translation (i know this because i have done the same) in fact my ego really likes to fight me on this one, and it try's very hard to convince me that life is no fun if i cant blame others, judge others, etc.. its not fun if i cant separate, its no fun to look within ; ) what i mean by literal translation is they are looking at the specific situation, and others actions/reactions and saying "i would not act like that, or have not acted like that, in that situation" but to go deeper you must look metaphorically at the issue where and when in your life have you reacted similarly to this person or wanted to but did not? not specifically in the same situation but at anytime in your life.. look deep and you will find, if your open to the right side of your brain, open to admitting to yourself who you truly can be, and not afraid of what you will find. if you cant find it, give it time and come back to it, the ego is excellent at hiding this stuff from us. as you find parts of your ego that need healing, do not then turn the judgment onto yourself, that is just as bad as judging others, remember we are all one, and no one else is in the room. as i write this i realize that i am only talking to myself and i needed this talk for me.. maybe this is harder than i think? i am still learning about self, so much to explore and learn. everyday i feel lighter on my feet and more connected to my true self, source. practice practice practice, be open, listen to that quiet voice deep inside you, to be able to listen to that voice you need sleep, water, nutrition, movement, paying attention to thoughts, and breathing.

remember "what you think grows" and "what you perceive you believe"

3

the path of self-realization is an interesting one. so many questions from others, and many questions for myself. i guess i have less questions now because i feel i know the truth (my truth) and having the experience of truth manifests trust in who i truly am at my core. i find myself in contemplation almost all the time, not as a buddha sitting underneath a tree, but as jator, living life, working out, playing hockey, working, resting, talking, being with friends and family etc.. living my life as what i truly believe it is, an experience.. an experience that i am trying not to label, it just is.. this has helped me to love many parts of me that i used to label, which honestly do not need labeling. i am who i am in this exact moment, i can choose in every moment who i want to be.. that is so freeing to me.. its so interesting to learn that i do not need to buy into the stories i have spun about myself. "Who am I" has a whole new meaning.. i am enjoying the gifts.. i am enjoying being..

love

tOO

today.. my brain chemistry is back to normal. when i go out and party, it takes me a long time to feel everything fall back into place. to open my eyes and actually recognize the movie that is playing thru my projections. yes, my projections are changing.. dramatically, but most times i recognize the projection as my own, after partying its almost as if i am watching anothers projections thru my own eyes, which can be scary.. thoughts of "when will i come back" to my own projection, or am i lost forever? but again i am back to what i perceive as "my" projection and since i perceive it and it is mirrored back to me i actually believe it as truth, but really who the hell knows, it might not be truth.. i have discovered the only one truth for myself and that is what i am at my core.. source, love, expansive, all. everything else is an illusion, but the only illusion or "reality" at this time, until i go back home to source. the day is beautiful, full of gifts, lessons, and practice.. thank you for the practice everyday. thank you for being you.. me?

nourishment
6am-3pm london broil sliced with yellow peppers, tomato, celtic salt, paprika, cayeanne, coconut oil and raw cream. also had a little bit of raw cashew butter for a little treat.

3pm-9pm chicken thighs/thyme/basil/coconut oil/2eggs/cabbage/kale

look in the mirror and see if you can "see" who you really are?

uno

i am BACK.. took the last month off to focus on the physical aspect of my change, plus wanted to party a little ; ) so i did... late nights, friends, new and old.. change.. change is good. i am not afraid of change, embracing change.. embrace the new.. away with the old.. melting and changing. back to the physical emotional mental spiritual, need a complete me, not just one aspect, but sometimes i need pure focus on one. many have seen a change in my personality over the last month, i am fine, as you focus so intently on one aspect the others may regress.. so i regress as well.. but ole' jpg is back. with love and qi in my heart for all beings, opening the gifts everyday.

kiss kiss bang bang

TWOseven

hmmm.. these f'n memes.. i feel you pops. it is so interesting to think of your psyche as a very very intricate computer, that has so much downloaded into it before birth, but continues to be downloaded with freaking information that we are not even aware of from the moment we open our eyes. these memes deeply rooted, controlling, controlling the unconcious mind, have you ever asked yourself "why did i do that" and literally there is no answer???? do your memes serve you? or do they cause unconscious chaos in your life? the more digging around i do the more i find these memes.. rooted in me, and they do not want to let go.. but i feel as i truly believe in what i really am, i am starving these memes, producing new ones that at this moment feel like they serve me and are leading me down the right path. but i could just be crazy.. laughing myself to sleep at night sometimes, thinking "have i truly lost it" it is quite scary to unlearn all that has been learned, so much attachment, much change, and the ego fights you all the way..

ego = "why do you want to change" "why must you take the high road" "why do you take all the responsilbity" itsnt it just easier to let me guide you like everyone else? i wont guide you down the wrong path, its too much work to be conscious all the time, just sit back relax and give me back the controls jator.. give them back to me.. please..

the ego makes me smile.. maybe a crazy smile but a smile nonetheless.. he reminds me of that one friend in your life that you love, but that always wants to take you down their path, and make sure you do not follow yours.. he is my friend, and i love him, but i am enjoying the reigns now. and i have seen too much to give them back even if that means i end up on a island alone somewhere, but i feel the spirits of my mighty companions around they are out there and in fact those relationships are cultivating at this very moment.

"wag more, bark less"

26

i'm back. needed a little break, to sit on some thoughts. life is continuing to send me huge gifts ; ) for those of you that know what i mean by gifts i hope that brings a smile to your face.. it does to mine, gifts from the universe are not always what we want, or what we think we need.. in fact do i know my own best interest? what i mean is, if i am lead by the ego (of course trying not to be) but still the ego runs deep within me, rooted from many lifetimes, and i am not fully self realized yet, is it even possible to know my own best interests? who i am to think i know where, what, how, when, etc this should all work? a while back i took this qi-gong course, there was a point in the course where we learned how to do "energy healing", part of the pre-req for doing any healing on anyone was to ask the universe (god, source, etc) to help you bring to this person whatever it is that they need at this time, which means it may not be healing the injury, because who the hell am i to know if this injury is there for a specific purpose to teach this person a specific lesson?? this was hard for me to swallow, why am i learning "healing"... i asked myself? why do anything for this person? the answer i have come to is as follows, i do not know my own best interest nor do i claim to know anyone else's, but by doing a qi-gong energy healing, what i may do for the person is realase the information contained in the injury/disease etc to their consciousness for them to interpret (through thier mind) as the path they may need to take to address disease/injury or to "see" lesson/gift based on what the source says is the lesson at hand.. in other words i can help bring awareness to this person in their life, which may or may not heal them but it will help them to see the injury/disase as a wake up call of sorts to go deeper within self.. if that is confusing call me ; ) i think i can give a better explanation in person.. the emotional spirtual mental has its manifestations in the phsyical, please do not forget that. it is truth. for me ; )

to bed last night 815pm
up this morning 500am

nourishment
2/3 of the day steak/coconut oil/ garlic/ celtic salt/ pepper
1/3 baked chicken/tomato/raw cream

workout full body/ bodyweight stability ball work
work in beautiful hike in the richmond hills, talking with the tree and nature spirits

2five

amazement and wonderment is where i find myself today. the above picture shows my new eyes through the realization of projection, judgment, and the simple truth that i am the only one here. no matter what i put onto others i.e. projection, judgment, values etc.. to make them separate from me, my beliefs about them are then mirrored back to me so i can buy my own stories about them. i am a very good story spinner =0 very good. truth is.. now i truly know the truth (for me) and the fact that no one else is here leaves me with one last truth, no matter what i perceive in others, or the stories i spin, i am truly only spinning stories about myself, and if those stories are harmful i am only harming myself, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. what i see in others i strengthen within myself. so why see anything but love? thats easy, because your ego wants separation, wants you to live in the storm, wants you to buy its stories, it (the ego) cannot survive without them. if you get the chance watch the movie "Revolver" this will give you a very good idea of how the ego truly works. now the ego is not your enemy rather your playmate, just observe your playmate, but you consciously make the choice to respond, not react.

to bed last night 12am?
up this morning 5am

nourishment
2/3 salmon/zucchini/olive oil/celtic salt/black pepper
1/3 big salad from cafe gratitude "i am fulfilled" with almond humus and goji berry dressing yum yum

tweNTY fOUR

"True warrior”, I believe a true warrior is a person willing to look in the mirror of self, to take full responsibility for what they create, to take responsibility for their judgments, and projections. A true warrior will embrace this path and UN-learn all that has been learned for a new path and new reality. A true warrior must be ready to look in the mirror and except all, not bits and pieces.

“When the role called; I am a human being ends, we call that death. It’s a lot easier to let that role die before the body dies and let it be put to rest now” adyashanti

to bed last night 830pm
up this morning 7am

nourishment
2/3 pork loin/greens/coconut oil/red onion
1/2 salmon/olive oil/salt/pepper/zuchinni

tWENTY tHReE

today i start the "art of coaching" class with JP sears, very excited. this class is right up my alley in terms of the type of practitioner i am becoming. i am for the first time feeling in alignment, my chakras, my self-healing, my self-realizations, family, friends.. everything around me is changing for the "better" and that does not mean all that i thought would be in my life is in my life, everything is truly as it should be. i am seeing this truth more and more everyday, and knowing it as truth rather than as belief.

to bed last night 830pm
up this morning 830am that was nice! slept right thru..

nourishment today
2/3 of the day chicken thigh/coconut oil/salt/kale/oregano
3 pastured eggs/kale/coconut oil
2 ground pork liver patties for dinner with asperagus

workout today = ice hockey 1 1/2 hours
workin today = chi cultivation/chakra work/stretch 1 hour (day 2)

tWENTY TwO

i have gone all the way down the rabbit hole. i have been on this path for 7 years. i have studied to find the truth, i have checked up on my teachings and found research to back it up, on somethings i have "believed with blind faith" in my teachers. i have been down the rabbit hole, and my beliefs have now become my truths. i no longer believe, i know from experience that i am source. i have been there. truly there. it is done. it is done. it is done.

find your truth, find my truth, evolve

tWENTY OnE

"i'll be one tough act to follow.. here today, gone tomorrow, but you'd have to walk a thousand miles, in my shoes, just to see, what its like, to be me, i be you, lets trade shoes, just to see what it be like too, feel your pain, i feel mine, go inside each others minds, just to see, what we find, look at shit through each others eyes, but don't let em say you ain't beautiful, they can all get fucked just stay TRUE TO YOU!" Emeniem

cant say it better than that.

to bed last night 1130pm
up this morning 620am

nourishment
2/3 of the day pork loin/asperagus/coconut oil/curry powder/cayanne
1/3 salmon/citrus kombucha

tWENTY

deep within me is truth. deep within me is love. deep within me is the real me.

i am shedding

i am losing the self i thought was not malleable

i am flexible

there is less judgment

more truth in my eyes

more seeing myself

my true self

my self realized self

i am free

i be

so free

to be me

just love, empathy, compassion

love fills my heart

to bed last night 11pm
up this morning 8am

nourishment today
2/3 of the day kale/coconut oil/ chicken thigh/curry
1/3 pork liver burgers/ asperagus

release me from your judgment, i am releasing you from mine, see me for who i truly am.. i am only you, and you are only me.

we be... ONE

nINETEEN

"Seek not abroad, turn back into thyself, for in the inner man dwells the truth"

"People will do anything no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul"

my friends, i do not claim to know the truth, i do not claim to teach the truth, i only claim to know what is truth for me. i am not a preacher, i am a follower of my truth, of the universal inspiration, of soul. i carry no judgment towards others and their way of life, and if i see judgment come up inside me, i recognize it and send it to the universal inspiration so i can see truth, which means i have no right to judge or project on to others. i have no right to judge, i only can dig within myself for clarity. i am in my business. mine alone. i am freeing myself from the need to be in your business, and "gods" business. i am on the path to freedom, to self-realization. results are the measurement of truth, my results abound, i am spreading my wings.. dissolving the chains, seeing thru new lenses, creating my reality. we are source.

eIGHTEEN

"life isn't about finding yourself. life is about creating yourself"

confirmation of guilt, admitting to acts of deceit, joyous reunion, craving, eversion, attachment, judgment, projection, hate, love, specialness, touch, feel, emotion, thought, pain, hurt, sadness, happiness... are these all trains passing by like Bart, and we choose which trains we want to ride? or we choose not to ride any at all.. because the illusion tricks us into believing that we should jump on these trains, and by into all this.. how many lifetimes have i bought into this? many i assume, but then again that is a belief and is that an illusion as well? what is real? really real? am i truly a spirit "source" experiencing, learning to control my mind and my thoughts so in the next realm i do not wreck havoc with my thoughts because in that realm my thoughts would literally create reality in front of my eyes?

am i f'n losing it? seriously i feel like i am on a strong drug most days lately, everything looks different, tastes different, feels different, smells different, i am melting away getting to my root/s

if all i project and judge is me.. me.. me. and there is nothing and no one else, why trip off of the above trains? have you ever watched nature, totally in the moment, soaked with reality, survival, experience, truth, so beautiful.. so beautiful.

i am seeing beauty in everyone, in pain, in sadness, in joy, in life, in "reality"??? i got nothing left but love.. i am changed, no body knows my pain, my pain that is not real, that is illusion, my pain that is not, my pain that is joy, my pain that is life, my pain of seeing thru these eyes for so long, but it truly is a gift, it is contrast i can see the illusion now, in the eye of the storm, everything crazy around me, but perfect calmness where i stand, there is only this moment, my 7 chakra open and downloading information, change, changing, move on, be free, i am free, breaking these chains that have enslaved me for so long, healing these chains and watching them melt away.. melt away..

i am spirit walking. i am healing. i am being. i am animal. i am source. i am elements. i am electricity. i am love.

to bed last night 1030pm
up this morning 7am

nourishment
beef liver burgers/onions
i am whole macrobiotic salad at cafe gratitude minus grains with mixed greens
i am mighty (ginger)

you are your judgments, projections, dont let your ego fool you into buying into some truth and not all truth.. tricky tricky tricky..

sEVENTEEN

had a long talk with JP Sears today. very good. it was a joy to speak with someone on the same path as i. JP is a deep cat, and i am learning lots from him, going down to the institute to hang out with JP and Paul. i am sure my upcoming time with them will only solidify the changes i am going thru. beautiful.. beautiful..

to bed last night 10pm
up this morning 615am

my mind is at ease.. ease.. enjoying how reality is presenting itself in this moment.

annicha

sIXTEEN

ah my friends. i have been in a limbo state for a minute now.. but today i am free, my cocoon has been broken.. the gifts abound.. lessons afoot.. i am free.. deep breathing.. free breathing.. i am free..

to bed last night 8pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment for the day
pork/pork liver/scallions for all meals except dinner
salmon/zuchinni/squash for dinner

hard beautiful spiritual workout today! wow.. so much energy.. i am busting.. my chakras are all in line.. spinning nicely.. healing at every level.. PEMS

amor my friends amor

fIVETEEN

the above picture represents my feelings as i embark on this journey. i am alone. fully alone. there is only me at this point, and i now realize i have always been here alone. i am taking on everything. everyone. including myself. it is war, but a different kind of war, a war unlearning everything i have kept sacred till now, unlearning my beliefs, seeing my judgments, my projections, my hiding from truth, fully admitting to those and letting them dissolve into the universe for re interpretation. i must be strong. i must trust. trust in the universal wisdom. trust in quieting my mind. trust in truly being me. working towards no condition. working towards zero. no sex and violence love. no conditional love. yes to empathetic and compassionate love... working towards the unconditional. mastering self. this is not work it is rather a path, i am sitting at a crossroads as i write this, i see the path to the old me, the class clown, the crazy drinker, late nights, drugs, women, brain lost, soul lost, self lost, funny how everyone really liked me then, i was the life of the party, got the girls, drowning myself in ego... did you hear that? everyone liked me.. did they like me because i was just like them? i was not the one crab trying to escape the boiling pot? getting pulled back down into the water.. that is really funny for some reason.. really funny.. what is also funny is i liked me then, in fact i loved me some me.. that person made me who i am today and i had some of the best times in my life being that person.. so i have no judgments against that lifestyle, its actually great, i had a blast, and it would be easy to be that normal person again, except for one simple fact. my parents planted these seeds of who i am today a long time ago.. these seeds where neglected for so long, but they were strong, they wanted to live, at least just to give me a taste of another path another life another way another me. the other path in front of me, live the 6 principals 80/20.. at this point 99/1 because i am focused on improving right now, but the improvements are abounding i am changing and 80/20 is not that far off, mastering self, truly loving all, recognizing my judgement and projections, learning, growing, evolving, not a better path than the other just another path. i am so scared to take the second path.. scared.. not much scares me except for spiders and my boy alex.. but i am scared now.. scared to step off the ledge.. off into unknowing.. off into source.. scared to relearn and unlearn, to trust, to find out what resides in Jator. funny how people don't like me now.. i am too extreme, different, passionate, dogmatic, in a box, un open, boring... haha really... boring? man... i wish you all could see what i see, i wish you could see what i really see thru my eyes.. i wish you could see and know me.. truly me.. at my deepest level.. if you could see that unconditional love in me, that beauty in me, that brightness in me, that compassion in me, that empathy in me, that loyalty in me, that honesty in me, that mystical warrior in me, wuji in me... funny what would happen if you all saw that in me.. it would be a beautiful mirror of you.. right back at you.. it would be what you see in you and what i see in you.. man.. that is some deep deep ish.. so the choice is here, i have quieted my mind, i have been practicing soul connection everyday, and my soul says press on.. press on.. be authentic to who you truly are, you will manifest your spiritual companions on this journey, you will have support, you will have those around you that understand how important this work is for YOU.. all i ask is practice seeing the beauty in me, the love in me, the qi in me.. it only will strengthen that in you.. anything you see in another you strengthen within yourself.. remember that..
amor

to bed last night 8pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment
6am chicken thigh/kale/coconut oil
10am same as above
130pm same as above
4pm detox tea
545 pork/pork liver/scallions/coconut oil

stretch 20min/zones 15 min/ chi cultivation 20min/ vipassana meditation 20min

fOURTEEN

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah... all i can do is laugh.. the universe has truly given me a gift today.. a gift of S@#@ or get off the pot.. man, a true test. testing my resolve, testing my strength, testing if i am truly bout it.. funny enough.. i am Fu@#$#@ bout it! what is the lesson here?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, my ego goes on and on and on... yapping his mouth off, "see jah, i told you.! why were you your true self? you should stick to being a player, stick to being a dick, stick to not caring, stick to the external of who you are..... This way jah, you wont get hurt, you won't get your heart all wrapped up just to be smashed, you wont feel this pain, you can give the pain, you can smash hearts, you can hurt others, you will avoid being wrapped up... avoid pain.. pain pain...pain... all the while protecting yourself".. really ego? protecting myself? if everyone is truly me and i am hurting them, blaming them, projecting on them, judging them, who i ask am i truly hurting????????????? ME

STUPID EGO.. the ego does not know what the f he's talking bout.. if i went back to the old me all i really am doing is hurting myself too. just a seemingly easier way of doing it.. but in the long run the same pain.. same thoughts.. same being empty..

but this is the new ja... new month.. new beginning.. new lesson.. thank you universe.. you are showing me not to externalize my love, to recognize that all i need is within me, to not engage in "special relationships", to not have others fill my needs, to recognize no matter what i am unconditional love, i am truth, i am authentic, i am real. to not become emotionally attached, to engage from this day fourth ONLY in conscious love, love where one is free to be authentic, free to be real, free to be ME.. real love, no conditions, no you did this, or your too that, just total acceptance, total awareness that all judgment and projection is just a mirror for you. FOR YOU! i am only giving unconditional love.. i am breaking free.. i am losing the illusion.. thank you universe for this lesson, i am on the pot taking a huge poopie police right now! you cant break me, you cant, you cant, you cant, because i trust that who i truly am is pure love, who you truly are is pure love.. and there is nothing else here.. just pure unconditional love.. there is no attack, fear, guilt, shame, unhappiness, bad, good, there is no labels.. i am love.. i am love.. i am AMOR...

it is done

to bed last night 830pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment
6am steak/raw and cooked tomato and yellow pepper
8am same as above
11am same as above
1pm same as above
4pm same as above
6pm chicken thigh/kale/eggs

work "in" zones for half hour/ chi cultivation 20min/ stretch 20min

one last thought. this path is f'n rough. it is a struggle to break the "norm" i don't consider myself abnormal, or "trying" to be not the norm.. i am truly only being me.. truly.. i am only following the path that feels right to my soul, to my dream, to my flow. i dont have to work, or try to be this, it just is, it is who i am to my roots. i am a star that shines so bright it is blinding, but that is not special we are all stars that shine just as bright. we are all one, we are all source. i am learning to truly be me, and to truly be you. unconditional love, unconditional love, unconditional love.. that is easy to say.. hard to do.. no conditions wow.. i have lost most of my friends, my girl, etc going down this path, but it is my path. do you think a gay guy or a lesbian would "choose" that path? to be judged, hated, thought of as weird, abnormal, etc??? no.. they just are that.. they are being real to who they are no matter what. AS AM I

tHIRTEEN

"the ego-state is much like the dream-state we enter while asleep. That is, just as we experience our sleeping dreams as real, so too do we believe our dream-life in this world to be real. Just as we need to awaken from our sleeping dreams, so too do we need to awaken from this dream-life. Therefore, our liberation depends on our becoming cognizant of this deception. Our purpose, then, is to wake up from the dream and to become lucid Co-creators. The only Reality that has value in our lives is LOVE, and love increases in proportion to our degree of awakening from the ego-state. The more we realize this truth, the more we see that our purpose is to awaken to our Unified Self. The Source is Infinite light, or Love, everywhere, always. This energy exists everywhere, always. It never changes. In our separated state, we live the illusion of separated selves, believing that giving is sacrifice and that attack and defense are real. The truth is that the Infinite State exists in its totality all around us, but all-too-often we are blind to its beauty and deaf to its harmony" Take Me To Truth

tWELVE

"HOW DEEP DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE DO YOU WANT TO GO?"....

as deep as it gets.. so deep i am lost but found.. so deep up is down.. so deep i become truth.. live truth.. am truth.. be true.. heal truth.. spread unconditional love to each and every person i see, touch, talk, be, heal with.. my mind is spinning, truly spinning.. my cocoon is opening up.. everything is as it should be, can not label anything anymore, everything is a lesson put there with nothing but unconditional love for me to evolve from and experience this half spirit half animal reality.. illusion.. in truth i am only spirit. only

to bed last night 10pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment
pork chops/ coconut oil/ salt/ pepper/ red onion 8am
same as above 12pm
same as above 2pm
same as above 530pm

i may seem absolutely out of my mind to some ; ) but honestly as i eat well, think well, sleep well, breathe well, move well, hydrate well, this reality becomes more and more solidified everyday. i am freeing myself of ego.. shame, guilt, projection, judgment, fear, hate, specialness, needs... FREE I BE.. like my good friend free bird.. flying free..

eLEVEN

when i was around 16 years old, i had a dream, during that dream i reached out to open a car door, as i was letting go of the handle my palm turned up... i brought my hand directly in front of my face.. and REALIZED that i was in a dream. i then took control of that dream and had a very interesting experience creating my reality........
two days ago, i had the same moment but in a wakeful state, i have truly realized that i am in a dream/an illusion. i have realized that i truly create my reality with my unconscious thoughts, projections, judgements, and egoic realities. when i saw my hand in this wakeful state i realized this................... i realized that i am unconsciously creating my reality and it is time to become conscious of my negativity, judgements, projections, ego, by doing this i can truly heal myself of these egoic realities and start to truly become a co-creator with my conscious mind. i feel like a newborn seeing the world for the first time.. we are all source, we are all god, we are all co-creators, we ARE ALL ONE... IT IS DONE

tEN

ayt kids. here goes some meat to chew on, if you can truly wrap your head around this one you will see the world in a whole new light.

"What you project you believe,'" and that means, "...you will learn what YOU are from what YOU have projected onto others, and therefore believe they are.

"As you see him YOU WILL SEE YOURSELF"

both quotes are from a course in miracles.

that is some deep deep stuff. every time you project onto others be cautious you are truly only seeing yourself and trying to separate yourself from what is really deep within you. by putting it onto others you believe it is not you, it is them, but in reality.... look into the mirror.. anytime you become annoyed, frustrated, pissed, etc at others, go deeper, look back at yourself and find the root, we are only mirrors for eachother, it is all you, or all me hiding from reality. remember whatever we see in others we strengthen within ourselves, i am working very hard at only seeing unconditional love in all others, because in truth that is all there really is..

to bed last night 11pm
up this morning 7am

nourishment
steak/tomato/yellow pepper for 3rd chakra/coconut oil/cayanne pepper/celtic salt
same as above 10am
same as above 1230pm
same as above 300pm
chicken thigh/himalayan salt/coconut oil/avocado 5pm

workin in 1hr (stretch,chi cultivation, gustalt method)

nINE

the universe pours clients my way! wow.. 4 new clients in a matter of days.. very interesting.. manifesting? creating? co-creating? hmmmmm this is the type of thought into reality that continues to deepen the new record grooves playing in my head.. this works.. lucky13.. i am unconditional love.. you are unconditional love.. i am love, happiness, joy, wonder, play, growth, abundance, exploration, change, evolution, spirit, source, god.. i am.. and so are you.. look beyond your illusion..

to bed last night 9pm
up this morning 730am

nourishment
830am pork chop/coconut oil
3pm pork chop/red onion/raw butter
6pm vegan sushi

eIGHT

in the moment. i see the light. darkness trying hard to bring me down. very hard. second by second battle. trust. no other choice. i cannot go back. i must press on. everything i need is inside of me, just need to see it, believe it, it is there.

to bed last night 9pm
up this morning 830am

nourihsment
detox tea 9am
chicken/olive oil 930am
chicken/olive oil 1130am
raw cream/ 2 banana 230pm
pork chop/red onion/coconut oil 720pm

i am losing it..
but i must trust that this is the way it should be..
and press on.. inspite of how hard my ego is trying to fill me with pain, sadness, fear, shame, and guilt.. it is not true.. the truth is unconditional.. love

sEVEN

ok.. back to business.. i have been in a funk, trying to trust in the universal inspiration.. working on being in the moment.. working on shuttin the ego up.. SHUT UP! you are not needed.. trust.. trust.. trust.. look for the lessons.. look for the judgements.. look for the fear, guilt, shame.. its all an illusion.. illusion.. illusion... reality is.. i am love.. i am beautiful.. i am grateful.. i am spirit.. i am joy.. i am safety.. i am security.. i am flow.. i am sun.. i am a co-creator.. i am i am i am.. i am all that i need, it is all within me.. it is all within you.. we are.. you are.. we be.. just learn to truly see.. learn to truly see beyond the illusion.. beyond.. beyond your eyes.. deeper.. deeper.. its all love.. all love, because that is all their can be..

to bed last night 1030pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment
730am steak/coconut oil
10am steak/coconut oil
1pm steak/coconut oil
5pm chicken/olive oil/broccoli

work "in" = watched life move from the eastbay.. watched the beautiful bay run its day. chi cultivation 20min (1) stretch b4 bed (1) meditation 20min (1)

be well all.. beyond the illusion.. behind the mask..

sIX

bed last night 1030pm
up this morning 500am

nourishment
7am citrus kombucha/salmon/coconut oil
9am salmon/coconut oil/ coffee
12pm salmon/coconut oil
4pm salmon/coconut oil
615 new york steak/coconut oil/yellow pepper/cayanne pepper

tired... goodnigh

fIVE

the universe it testing my resolve. testing my new path. testing to see if i am for real. i am ready, i do trust, i do recognize that i "my ego" does not know what is best for me, unconditional love directly from the source guides my life and helps me grow. i am working against many lifetimes run by ego, and 32 years of this lifetime, but i am strong, i am willful, i walk the path and refuse to step off, i am and will be 100% authentic to myself, i will grow and evolve, i will become a true human being.

to bed last night 10pm
up this morning 715am

8am pork chop/red onion/olive oil
10am same as above
2pm same as above
5pm same as above

work out today 1.5 hours including stretching

i have gone into my cocoon.. changing.. evolving.. growing.. i will become a butterfly

fOUR

i dont really know where to begin today.. The book i am into at the moment "Infinite Mind" has connected all the dots of my journey for the past 7 years.. Holistic lifestlye, chek practitioner, quantum physics, vipassna meditation, qi-gong, tai-chi, and all the seeds that were planted by my parents throughout my life. i am on a trip, with no drugs but trust me the ride is the same.. sometimes i dont know if i am dreaming or in "reality", or true comprehension of the illusion.. i am blown away.. my old self is melting away.. i am a tree sprouting from the soil, breaking old ideas, thoughts, guilt, fear, shame.. my new roots are growing, my new trunk is growing my new reality is growing, i am a co-creator, i do create my reality, i trust in the universal wisdom, i am doing my best to only see unconditional love, i am giving, i am loving.. i am ME.. fully.. expanding.. ME... you are me and i am you.. we are all the source.. we are all god having a human experience. i studied all day today from 11am until now.. my reality is changing.. i am becoming a "monk" in the city.. that is me.

to bed last night 9pm
up this morning 315am (thoughts swirling in my head, started to study then)

nourishment
5am salmon/raw butter/coconut oil
8am same as above
11am same as above
1pm same as above
3pm same as above
6pm steak/tomato/red pepper/coconut oil

ciao

tREY

i feel like neo.. "the matrix" when he realizes he is the one.. i am not the one but we all are the one.. we are all one.. there really is no "i" there is only we.. and we need to awaken like neo.. to see the matrix, to see the illusion.. to see the distraction.. let me rephrase that.. we all do not need this.. but "i" do.. i am following my own path.. my own right.. my own values.. learning who i truly am, not who i think i am.. taking off the glasses of the past and seeing life new.. today.. beautiful. expressive.. expansive.. unconditional.. wuji.. breathe.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

to bed last night 9pm
up this morning 7am

nourishment
8am bacon/onion/olive oil
1030am same as above
200pm same as above
245pm pork loin (what the hell is pork loin anyway?) onions, coconut oil, olive oil
600pm salmon,raw butter

work out and stretch 11-1pm
chi gong 10min, vipassana meditate 10min soon as i post this.. its late and garfield is freakin tired..

amor jator

tWO

man... The Infinite Truth "undoing the ego" is blowing my mind! book is crazy good.. crazy..

to bed last night 1015pm
up this morning 715am

i am having an internal struggle with coffee at the moment, i feel as tho it is my only vice and i have convinced myself that i need a vice.. which i truly do not.. growing up in a household that coffee was as precious as wine is a interesting pattern to break. i am going to try wheening myself off, so this week 3 times, next week 2, and the following week 1, add in tea (no caffeine) to help ease my transition. will keep you posted.

nourishment
8am 2 boiled eggs, broccoli, coconut oil, chicken thigh
11am raw cream, coffee
215pm chicken thighs, broccoli, coconut oil
530pm chicken thighs, spinach, coconut oil

work out = ice hockey 1215pm-145pm
work in = chi cultivation 20min, vipassana meditation 20min, chakra work 5min, stretch 20min (2)

working on truly realizing that we are all eachother and we at our root are all unconditional love.. breaking the ego down, and uprooting roots that no longer serve me.

oNE

back to full business. today started rebirth. i have written into my sch everyday chi-cultivation, meditation, stretching, workouts, workins, chakra work, and study time. i am in a very good position right now to focus completely on my self development. newest find from my good friend Tom Armenta - The Infinite Truth "undoing the ego", this book and audio are ridiculous!

to bed last night 8pm
up this morning 445am

nourishment today
7am steak/red peppers/coconut oil
9am same as above
11am same as above
315pm same as above
345pm 3 boiled eggs/coconut oil
6pm chicken chorizo sausage

chi cultivation 20min/ vipassana meditation 20min/ chakra work 10min (day 1 7am)
stretch (day 1 5pm)
zone exercise 1 hour 11am

day one down!

Guidelines for re-BIRTH Feb 1st start date

Four day rotation diet (directly out of the book "How to Eat Move and Be Healthy")
Anti-fungal (helps me to keep carbs around where i need them to be)
No Dairy (do not do well with dairy)
No Nuts (do not do well with nuts)

starting Jan 29th i am going to follow the guidelines presented by www.originofenergy.com nutrition guidelines.

Jan 29th - Feb 11th 30g of carbs
Feb 12-13th 100g of carbs
after the above the scheme will be 30g sunday thur thursday, then 100g friday and saturday. My goal is to stick to this until april 30th 2010.

workouts during this time period
Monday - Off
Tuesday - Ice hockey
Wednesday - Resistance Train
Thursday - Ice hockey
Friday - Ice hockey & Resistance Train
Saturday - off
Sunday - Active recovery

Everyday - Stretch, Chakra exercise 3,7,6, chi-cultivate 20min per day (100 days straight), Vipassana Meditation 20min

33

i am filled with so much gratitude today.. everyday.
going thru the PPS lesson 1 has been an amazing experience, but being able to go thru it with my pops, and have discussions with him and my mother, has expanded the experience and learning ten fold. i can not express enough gratitude to them for being such amazing parents, mentors, friends, and un conditional loves in my life.
amor... amor.. amor..

to bed last night 8pm
up this morning 5am (to go play ice hockey at 6am, whhhhh, a workout!)

nourishment for the day
8am chicken broth/red cabbage/ chicken/ coconut oil soup.. yum yum
11am same as above
1pm same as above
took a nice long hour and a half nap today, realized i have not been doing that enough, i love naps.. i think my legacy could actually be sleep ; )
dinner tonight in an hour or so pork chop/asperagus/strawberry kombucha

i will restart my gong tomorrow, including with that a daily vipassana practice of at least 20min. i have been being much more cognisant of creating a spiritual practice out of everything i do.. so far practicing and thanking food has been great, same with water.. now need to focus on spirtual thoughts before workouts, workins, etc..

32

i love the rain. so nice to be warm and chill when its raining outside. the earth is beautiful.. so enjoyable to be alive, with friends and family, and change.. sparking change, one person at a time, starting with myself.

to bed last night 9pm
up this morning 7am

nourishment
i had an appt with a energetic massage therapist today, i fasted all day until around 5pm, to give my body a break from the constant work i ask it to do.

this evening at around 5pm, i made a chicken broth soup, with red cabbage, basil, and coconut milk.. freaking deliciouso..

chi cultivation (1)

be well my friends.. be well

tree OnE

introspection into self.. completed lesson 1 pps mandala.. brings up more to think about, and more to re-evaluate..

chi cultivation (2)
chakra 3,6,7 zone exercise (1)
developmental stretches (7)

to bed last night 10pm
up this morning 745am

nourishment
830am salmon/lemon
11am salmon/lemon
3pm salmon/lemon/ and some peanut butter
7pm new york steak/ tomato/ red pepper

manifesting clientele.. manifesting clientele..

31

reading, learning, loving, living, playing, does it get any better?

to bed last night 11pm
up this morning 740am

food
9am 2 pork basil/garlic sausage
11am raw cream/coffee
230pm pork loin garlic/ coconut oil/ salt
430pm same as above
7pm salmon/lime juice/citrus kombucha

a few days a week i will not have long access to a computer so my blogs may be a bit short here and there. thank you all for your support and love.

be well

30 new beginning

the post is for monday ; )

to bed night before 900pm
up this morning 5am

food
6am moms lovely baked chicken
9am same as above
11am same as above
2pm same as above
630pm 2 pork garlic basil sausage

a new path. enjoying every moment.

29

late post. i have decided to change my wording from jator vs. shadow self to jator's self exploration. i think the vs. sends the wrong message, my shadow self is a part of me, a part of me that i am learning about. i do not want to fight or VS myself, i want to learn and accecpt myself. i want to be friends with my shadow and tell him its ok, your part of me, and i love you too. without my shadow who would i be? the yin yang of personality, the tao way is take the middle path. so i will be tao with myself. i am truly happy now, eating, breathing, thinking, moving, hydrating, sleeping, WELL. my program is expanding my knowledge, intuition, and relationship with self, learning truly learning who i really am. what makes me tick, not by reaction from past experience but from responding from a new point of view, a new record playing in my head, a more pliable record grooveless, flowing like water, flowing. so i will start day 1 on monday with a new flowless path. monday i will start a true 4 day rotation, sticking mainly to foods that would be normally available in the winter, trying to rotate oils as well. i am going to cut out dairy and nuts, these do not serve me well. i am excited to flow.

“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” Bruce lee

twamp 8

what needed to happen today.. was realized.
healing today. deep healing. i am closer to being one. closer.

to bed last night 8pm
up this morning 530am

food
8am pork/scallions/beef liver/ coconut oil/ raw butter
10am same as above
2pm same as above and a citrus kombucha
4 same as above
630 salmon/lemon/olive oil

jah 24 / shadow 8

27

insight, intuition, inside, my mind.
grows.
blossoms.
lotus tree, out of....spirituality,
be me.. be me.. is me.. is me..
life's lessons, tensions, expansions, perceptions, how do i see?
beautiful life.. beautiful gift.. beautiful wu-chi..
my passion is my truth, is my way, is me.
THIS IS MY LEGACY.

to bed last night 830pm
up this morning 500am

food
7am curry chicken/palm oil
10am curry chicken/ palm oil
1230pm curry chicken/ palm oil
300pm curry chicken/2 avocado/palm oil
6:30pm strawberry kombucha

chi cultivation 4

jator 23/ shadow 4

two 6

contemplative day. thoughts inside today. quiet time. quiet time. hard workout today.

to bed last night 930pm
up this morning 700am

food
ground beef/satay with tomato pepper and coconut oil 8am
same as above 1130am
same as above 3pm
curry chicken/palm oil/ avocado

jah 22 / shadow 4

night all.. peace

2fIVe

wow. 25 days passed. it is very interesting to chronicle your daily routine. you start to see patterns.. you see the fabric underlying what holds you together as a person.. the people, places, food, thoughts, life.. i wonder what needs to change.. am i living my legacy? i feel aligned now, more than ever, i feel safe, secure, flow, spiritual warrior,love, and working on communication right now. isnt that interesting, directly in line with my psycho-spiritual development according to the chakra system. working on being more yin, and keeping the ego in check.. being aware of when his head pops up and wants to jump in.. down boy.. down. i have been drinking yin water everyday, it is helping me to cultivate more yin in communication. to make yin water, set your water out under the moonlight for the entire night, wake up and bring it in before the sun rises. you will have a jug full of pure yin energy that will enfuse every cell in your body. AMAZING! also for those of you that have itunes, go under "radio" look up ambient and then listen to the ASTRAL channel, usually very soothing music for meditation, chanting, dr quiet etc.. very cool. officially started pps lesson 1 today, got thru 1b, will create my mandala tomorrow afternoon.

to bed last night 1020pm
up this morning 545am

food
9am salmon/coconut oil
11am salmon/coconut oil
3pm salmon/coconut oil
545 new york steak

i am doing a lil experiment on my energy levels, eating very little carbs and seeing how my body responds, trying to live as one of my true anscestors in line with the season of winter and the availability of carbohydrate, played 1 1/2 hours of hockey today and felt fine, in fact i have been eating really low carbs since new years day and energy has stayed steady.

stretched/cultivated-chi/vipassana meditation (2days straight) still working on my gong of 100 days straight chi-cutivation.

love and chi
jator 21/ shadow 4

2 foUR

today was amazing. i felt very connected to the universal chi today. a few people have asked if it is hard to live the way i do, i.e. eat, sleep, move, think, hydrate, breathe.. no it is not hard, but this is seven years in the making now, each year i have become more focused, each year i have incorporated another principal, each year it has become the new record which i play in my head. this has become my nature, this has become me, i would have to work hard now to go back the other way. the path is hard, but why take easy paths? life for me is about challenge, experience, exploration, a spirtual being in an animal body, not stuck but learning how to explore this world to the best of my ability. the only way i can do that is if my physical, emotional, mental, and spirtual realms are in alignment, which is why i live the way i do, this gives me the best chance to bring myself to alignment, to really explore who i am, and who i am not, to really understand myself, and the gift of life that i have been given. man am i buzzin right now, just out the hot shower, did my stretches for the second time today, and my spirit is flowing.. i had an amazing dream last night. i spoke with many of the lost parts of my soul at different ages in this life and they agreed that i was on the right path to recovery, the right path to wholeness, the right path to not coming back to this world again ; O TODAY WAS EXCITING INSIDE MY OWN HEAD.

to bed last night 730pm
up this morning 5am

food
7am couple bites of pork chop and zuchini
9am couple more bites of the above (life of a trainer)
12pm pork chop/ zuchini
145 ham/ raw cheese
300pm couple bites raw cheese
530pm baked salmon/ raw cheese

jator 20/shadow 4

also started chi cultivation again (1) working towards a "gong" 100 straight
chakra work 3,5,7
listening to "stadium Arcadium" RED hot chilli peppers... fantastic album

23

to bed last night 1030pm
up this morning 730am

gym workout 930pm

food

1045am chicken/red cabbage/kale/coconut oil
145pm same as above
5pm handful of soaked and sprouted almonds/raw butter

stretch 630pm bed early tonight

jator 19/ shadow 4

duce duce

well, today i am giving to the shadow. the weekends are much harder to stick to my routine in terms of stretching, chi-cultivation, and doing inner work. my weekends tend to be filled with more "to-do" than my weekdays. so starting tomorrow, i will make more of an effort to get my stretches, chi, and workins done first thing in the morning.

to bed last night 1045pm
up this morning 730am

food
800am ground beef/coconut oil/peppers
11am coffee/half n half
12pm ground beef/coconut oil/peppers
3pm beef broth/carrot/tomato/beef soup
5pm same as above
630pm couple of handfuls of various nuts at a party

i am done with today ; )

jator 18/ shadow 4

21

short and sweet today

to bed last night 9pm
up this morning 5am

ice hockey 6-715am

workout diakadi 11-1130am

stretch and developmental stretch this afternoon

food
800am salmon/coconut oil/ zuchini
10am same as above
12pm salmon/ lemon/ citrus kombucha
3pm salmon/coconut oil/ zuchini
600pm dinner with my bebe. ground beef pork meatballs with tomato sauce/ flat iron steak/ kale/ winter squash

945 tea

jator 18/ shadow 3

TWAMP

ah.. today was exactly what i needed.. thank you to the few who listned today, truly listened to my words, and responded to my thoughts, means more than can be expressed. on that note, today was more exceptional than usual, a shift has occured within me, and the universe is giving me exactly what i need and ask for, its really quite amazing creating your own reality bit by bit. during my workout today, i listened to Emeniem (my favorite artist) and a song played at the end of my workout "beautiful" this song was more than perfect "dont let em say you aint beautiful, they can all get Fu!@#!@, just stay TRUE TO YOU" rooted my thoughts,path,direction,self-talk DEEPLY into the soil mother earth, and my cosmic energy deeply into mother universe. wow, what a perfect song. finished PPS self-assessment, and will start lesson 1 tomorrow. workout was killer today, work in needed tonight..

bed last night 8pm
up this morning 5am

food today
7am pork chop/coconut oil
10am pork chop/coconut oil
130pm pork chop/coconut oil
3pm soaked and sprouted almonds
730pm moms home made wild salmon ; )

chi-cultivation b4 bed tonight (11)
vipassana meditation after chi (2)

BEAUTIFUL
ja 17/ shadow 3