TWOseven

hmmm.. these f'n memes.. i feel you pops. it is so interesting to think of your psyche as a very very intricate computer, that has so much downloaded into it before birth, but continues to be downloaded with freaking information that we are not even aware of from the moment we open our eyes. these memes deeply rooted, controlling, controlling the unconcious mind, have you ever asked yourself "why did i do that" and literally there is no answer???? do your memes serve you? or do they cause unconscious chaos in your life? the more digging around i do the more i find these memes.. rooted in me, and they do not want to let go.. but i feel as i truly believe in what i really am, i am starving these memes, producing new ones that at this moment feel like they serve me and are leading me down the right path. but i could just be crazy.. laughing myself to sleep at night sometimes, thinking "have i truly lost it" it is quite scary to unlearn all that has been learned, so much attachment, much change, and the ego fights you all the way..

ego = "why do you want to change" "why must you take the high road" "why do you take all the responsilbity" itsnt it just easier to let me guide you like everyone else? i wont guide you down the wrong path, its too much work to be conscious all the time, just sit back relax and give me back the controls jator.. give them back to me.. please..

the ego makes me smile.. maybe a crazy smile but a smile nonetheless.. he reminds me of that one friend in your life that you love, but that always wants to take you down their path, and make sure you do not follow yours.. he is my friend, and i love him, but i am enjoying the reigns now. and i have seen too much to give them back even if that means i end up on a island alone somewhere, but i feel the spirits of my mighty companions around they are out there and in fact those relationships are cultivating at this very moment.

"wag more, bark less"

26

i'm back. needed a little break, to sit on some thoughts. life is continuing to send me huge gifts ; ) for those of you that know what i mean by gifts i hope that brings a smile to your face.. it does to mine, gifts from the universe are not always what we want, or what we think we need.. in fact do i know my own best interest? what i mean is, if i am lead by the ego (of course trying not to be) but still the ego runs deep within me, rooted from many lifetimes, and i am not fully self realized yet, is it even possible to know my own best interests? who i am to think i know where, what, how, when, etc this should all work? a while back i took this qi-gong course, there was a point in the course where we learned how to do "energy healing", part of the pre-req for doing any healing on anyone was to ask the universe (god, source, etc) to help you bring to this person whatever it is that they need at this time, which means it may not be healing the injury, because who the hell am i to know if this injury is there for a specific purpose to teach this person a specific lesson?? this was hard for me to swallow, why am i learning "healing"... i asked myself? why do anything for this person? the answer i have come to is as follows, i do not know my own best interest nor do i claim to know anyone else's, but by doing a qi-gong energy healing, what i may do for the person is realase the information contained in the injury/disease etc to their consciousness for them to interpret (through thier mind) as the path they may need to take to address disease/injury or to "see" lesson/gift based on what the source says is the lesson at hand.. in other words i can help bring awareness to this person in their life, which may or may not heal them but it will help them to see the injury/disase as a wake up call of sorts to go deeper within self.. if that is confusing call me ; ) i think i can give a better explanation in person.. the emotional spirtual mental has its manifestations in the phsyical, please do not forget that. it is truth. for me ; )

to bed last night 815pm
up this morning 500am

nourishment
2/3 of the day steak/coconut oil/ garlic/ celtic salt/ pepper
1/3 baked chicken/tomato/raw cream

workout full body/ bodyweight stability ball work
work in beautiful hike in the richmond hills, talking with the tree and nature spirits

2five

amazement and wonderment is where i find myself today. the above picture shows my new eyes through the realization of projection, judgment, and the simple truth that i am the only one here. no matter what i put onto others i.e. projection, judgment, values etc.. to make them separate from me, my beliefs about them are then mirrored back to me so i can buy my own stories about them. i am a very good story spinner =0 very good. truth is.. now i truly know the truth (for me) and the fact that no one else is here leaves me with one last truth, no matter what i perceive in others, or the stories i spin, i am truly only spinning stories about myself, and if those stories are harmful i am only harming myself, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. what i see in others i strengthen within myself. so why see anything but love? thats easy, because your ego wants separation, wants you to live in the storm, wants you to buy its stories, it (the ego) cannot survive without them. if you get the chance watch the movie "Revolver" this will give you a very good idea of how the ego truly works. now the ego is not your enemy rather your playmate, just observe your playmate, but you consciously make the choice to respond, not react.

to bed last night 12am?
up this morning 5am

nourishment
2/3 salmon/zucchini/olive oil/celtic salt/black pepper
1/3 big salad from cafe gratitude "i am fulfilled" with almond humus and goji berry dressing yum yum

tweNTY fOUR

"True warrior”, I believe a true warrior is a person willing to look in the mirror of self, to take full responsibility for what they create, to take responsibility for their judgments, and projections. A true warrior will embrace this path and UN-learn all that has been learned for a new path and new reality. A true warrior must be ready to look in the mirror and except all, not bits and pieces.

“When the role called; I am a human being ends, we call that death. It’s a lot easier to let that role die before the body dies and let it be put to rest now” adyashanti

to bed last night 830pm
up this morning 7am

nourishment
2/3 pork loin/greens/coconut oil/red onion
1/2 salmon/olive oil/salt/pepper/zuchinni

tWENTY tHReE

today i start the "art of coaching" class with JP sears, very excited. this class is right up my alley in terms of the type of practitioner i am becoming. i am for the first time feeling in alignment, my chakras, my self-healing, my self-realizations, family, friends.. everything around me is changing for the "better" and that does not mean all that i thought would be in my life is in my life, everything is truly as it should be. i am seeing this truth more and more everyday, and knowing it as truth rather than as belief.

to bed last night 830pm
up this morning 830am that was nice! slept right thru..

nourishment today
2/3 of the day chicken thigh/coconut oil/salt/kale/oregano
3 pastured eggs/kale/coconut oil
2 ground pork liver patties for dinner with asperagus

workout today = ice hockey 1 1/2 hours
workin today = chi cultivation/chakra work/stretch 1 hour (day 2)

tWENTY TwO

i have gone all the way down the rabbit hole. i have been on this path for 7 years. i have studied to find the truth, i have checked up on my teachings and found research to back it up, on somethings i have "believed with blind faith" in my teachers. i have been down the rabbit hole, and my beliefs have now become my truths. i no longer believe, i know from experience that i am source. i have been there. truly there. it is done. it is done. it is done.

find your truth, find my truth, evolve

tWENTY OnE

"i'll be one tough act to follow.. here today, gone tomorrow, but you'd have to walk a thousand miles, in my shoes, just to see, what its like, to be me, i be you, lets trade shoes, just to see what it be like too, feel your pain, i feel mine, go inside each others minds, just to see, what we find, look at shit through each others eyes, but don't let em say you ain't beautiful, they can all get fucked just stay TRUE TO YOU!" Emeniem

cant say it better than that.

to bed last night 1130pm
up this morning 620am

nourishment
2/3 of the day pork loin/asperagus/coconut oil/curry powder/cayanne
1/3 salmon/citrus kombucha

tWENTY

deep within me is truth. deep within me is love. deep within me is the real me.

i am shedding

i am losing the self i thought was not malleable

i am flexible

there is less judgment

more truth in my eyes

more seeing myself

my true self

my self realized self

i am free

i be

so free

to be me

just love, empathy, compassion

love fills my heart

to bed last night 11pm
up this morning 8am

nourishment today
2/3 of the day kale/coconut oil/ chicken thigh/curry
1/3 pork liver burgers/ asperagus

release me from your judgment, i am releasing you from mine, see me for who i truly am.. i am only you, and you are only me.

we be... ONE

nINETEEN

"Seek not abroad, turn back into thyself, for in the inner man dwells the truth"

"People will do anything no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul"

my friends, i do not claim to know the truth, i do not claim to teach the truth, i only claim to know what is truth for me. i am not a preacher, i am a follower of my truth, of the universal inspiration, of soul. i carry no judgment towards others and their way of life, and if i see judgment come up inside me, i recognize it and send it to the universal inspiration so i can see truth, which means i have no right to judge or project on to others. i have no right to judge, i only can dig within myself for clarity. i am in my business. mine alone. i am freeing myself from the need to be in your business, and "gods" business. i am on the path to freedom, to self-realization. results are the measurement of truth, my results abound, i am spreading my wings.. dissolving the chains, seeing thru new lenses, creating my reality. we are source.

eIGHTEEN

"life isn't about finding yourself. life is about creating yourself"

confirmation of guilt, admitting to acts of deceit, joyous reunion, craving, eversion, attachment, judgment, projection, hate, love, specialness, touch, feel, emotion, thought, pain, hurt, sadness, happiness... are these all trains passing by like Bart, and we choose which trains we want to ride? or we choose not to ride any at all.. because the illusion tricks us into believing that we should jump on these trains, and by into all this.. how many lifetimes have i bought into this? many i assume, but then again that is a belief and is that an illusion as well? what is real? really real? am i truly a spirit "source" experiencing, learning to control my mind and my thoughts so in the next realm i do not wreck havoc with my thoughts because in that realm my thoughts would literally create reality in front of my eyes?

am i f'n losing it? seriously i feel like i am on a strong drug most days lately, everything looks different, tastes different, feels different, smells different, i am melting away getting to my root/s

if all i project and judge is me.. me.. me. and there is nothing and no one else, why trip off of the above trains? have you ever watched nature, totally in the moment, soaked with reality, survival, experience, truth, so beautiful.. so beautiful.

i am seeing beauty in everyone, in pain, in sadness, in joy, in life, in "reality"??? i got nothing left but love.. i am changed, no body knows my pain, my pain that is not real, that is illusion, my pain that is not, my pain that is joy, my pain that is life, my pain of seeing thru these eyes for so long, but it truly is a gift, it is contrast i can see the illusion now, in the eye of the storm, everything crazy around me, but perfect calmness where i stand, there is only this moment, my 7 chakra open and downloading information, change, changing, move on, be free, i am free, breaking these chains that have enslaved me for so long, healing these chains and watching them melt away.. melt away..

i am spirit walking. i am healing. i am being. i am animal. i am source. i am elements. i am electricity. i am love.

to bed last night 1030pm
up this morning 7am

nourishment
beef liver burgers/onions
i am whole macrobiotic salad at cafe gratitude minus grains with mixed greens
i am mighty (ginger)

you are your judgments, projections, dont let your ego fool you into buying into some truth and not all truth.. tricky tricky tricky..

sEVENTEEN

had a long talk with JP Sears today. very good. it was a joy to speak with someone on the same path as i. JP is a deep cat, and i am learning lots from him, going down to the institute to hang out with JP and Paul. i am sure my upcoming time with them will only solidify the changes i am going thru. beautiful.. beautiful..

to bed last night 10pm
up this morning 615am

my mind is at ease.. ease.. enjoying how reality is presenting itself in this moment.

annicha

sIXTEEN

ah my friends. i have been in a limbo state for a minute now.. but today i am free, my cocoon has been broken.. the gifts abound.. lessons afoot.. i am free.. deep breathing.. free breathing.. i am free..

to bed last night 8pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment for the day
pork/pork liver/scallions for all meals except dinner
salmon/zuchinni/squash for dinner

hard beautiful spiritual workout today! wow.. so much energy.. i am busting.. my chakras are all in line.. spinning nicely.. healing at every level.. PEMS

amor my friends amor

fIVETEEN

the above picture represents my feelings as i embark on this journey. i am alone. fully alone. there is only me at this point, and i now realize i have always been here alone. i am taking on everything. everyone. including myself. it is war, but a different kind of war, a war unlearning everything i have kept sacred till now, unlearning my beliefs, seeing my judgments, my projections, my hiding from truth, fully admitting to those and letting them dissolve into the universe for re interpretation. i must be strong. i must trust. trust in the universal wisdom. trust in quieting my mind. trust in truly being me. working towards no condition. working towards zero. no sex and violence love. no conditional love. yes to empathetic and compassionate love... working towards the unconditional. mastering self. this is not work it is rather a path, i am sitting at a crossroads as i write this, i see the path to the old me, the class clown, the crazy drinker, late nights, drugs, women, brain lost, soul lost, self lost, funny how everyone really liked me then, i was the life of the party, got the girls, drowning myself in ego... did you hear that? everyone liked me.. did they like me because i was just like them? i was not the one crab trying to escape the boiling pot? getting pulled back down into the water.. that is really funny for some reason.. really funny.. what is also funny is i liked me then, in fact i loved me some me.. that person made me who i am today and i had some of the best times in my life being that person.. so i have no judgments against that lifestyle, its actually great, i had a blast, and it would be easy to be that normal person again, except for one simple fact. my parents planted these seeds of who i am today a long time ago.. these seeds where neglected for so long, but they were strong, they wanted to live, at least just to give me a taste of another path another life another way another me. the other path in front of me, live the 6 principals 80/20.. at this point 99/1 because i am focused on improving right now, but the improvements are abounding i am changing and 80/20 is not that far off, mastering self, truly loving all, recognizing my judgement and projections, learning, growing, evolving, not a better path than the other just another path. i am so scared to take the second path.. scared.. not much scares me except for spiders and my boy alex.. but i am scared now.. scared to step off the ledge.. off into unknowing.. off into source.. scared to relearn and unlearn, to trust, to find out what resides in Jator. funny how people don't like me now.. i am too extreme, different, passionate, dogmatic, in a box, un open, boring... haha really... boring? man... i wish you all could see what i see, i wish you could see what i really see thru my eyes.. i wish you could see and know me.. truly me.. at my deepest level.. if you could see that unconditional love in me, that beauty in me, that brightness in me, that compassion in me, that empathy in me, that loyalty in me, that honesty in me, that mystical warrior in me, wuji in me... funny what would happen if you all saw that in me.. it would be a beautiful mirror of you.. right back at you.. it would be what you see in you and what i see in you.. man.. that is some deep deep ish.. so the choice is here, i have quieted my mind, i have been practicing soul connection everyday, and my soul says press on.. press on.. be authentic to who you truly are, you will manifest your spiritual companions on this journey, you will have support, you will have those around you that understand how important this work is for YOU.. all i ask is practice seeing the beauty in me, the love in me, the qi in me.. it only will strengthen that in you.. anything you see in another you strengthen within yourself.. remember that..
amor

to bed last night 8pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment
6am chicken thigh/kale/coconut oil
10am same as above
130pm same as above
4pm detox tea
545 pork/pork liver/scallions/coconut oil

stretch 20min/zones 15 min/ chi cultivation 20min/ vipassana meditation 20min

fOURTEEN

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah... all i can do is laugh.. the universe has truly given me a gift today.. a gift of S@#@ or get off the pot.. man, a true test. testing my resolve, testing my strength, testing if i am truly bout it.. funny enough.. i am Fu@#$#@ bout it! what is the lesson here?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, my ego goes on and on and on... yapping his mouth off, "see jah, i told you.! why were you your true self? you should stick to being a player, stick to being a dick, stick to not caring, stick to the external of who you are..... This way jah, you wont get hurt, you won't get your heart all wrapped up just to be smashed, you wont feel this pain, you can give the pain, you can smash hearts, you can hurt others, you will avoid being wrapped up... avoid pain.. pain pain...pain... all the while protecting yourself".. really ego? protecting myself? if everyone is truly me and i am hurting them, blaming them, projecting on them, judging them, who i ask am i truly hurting????????????? ME

STUPID EGO.. the ego does not know what the f he's talking bout.. if i went back to the old me all i really am doing is hurting myself too. just a seemingly easier way of doing it.. but in the long run the same pain.. same thoughts.. same being empty..

but this is the new ja... new month.. new beginning.. new lesson.. thank you universe.. you are showing me not to externalize my love, to recognize that all i need is within me, to not engage in "special relationships", to not have others fill my needs, to recognize no matter what i am unconditional love, i am truth, i am authentic, i am real. to not become emotionally attached, to engage from this day fourth ONLY in conscious love, love where one is free to be authentic, free to be real, free to be ME.. real love, no conditions, no you did this, or your too that, just total acceptance, total awareness that all judgment and projection is just a mirror for you. FOR YOU! i am only giving unconditional love.. i am breaking free.. i am losing the illusion.. thank you universe for this lesson, i am on the pot taking a huge poopie police right now! you cant break me, you cant, you cant, you cant, because i trust that who i truly am is pure love, who you truly are is pure love.. and there is nothing else here.. just pure unconditional love.. there is no attack, fear, guilt, shame, unhappiness, bad, good, there is no labels.. i am love.. i am love.. i am AMOR...

it is done

to bed last night 830pm
up this morning 5am

nourishment
6am steak/raw and cooked tomato and yellow pepper
8am same as above
11am same as above
1pm same as above
4pm same as above
6pm chicken thigh/kale/eggs

work "in" zones for half hour/ chi cultivation 20min/ stretch 20min

one last thought. this path is f'n rough. it is a struggle to break the "norm" i don't consider myself abnormal, or "trying" to be not the norm.. i am truly only being me.. truly.. i am only following the path that feels right to my soul, to my dream, to my flow. i dont have to work, or try to be this, it just is, it is who i am to my roots. i am a star that shines so bright it is blinding, but that is not special we are all stars that shine just as bright. we are all one, we are all source. i am learning to truly be me, and to truly be you. unconditional love, unconditional love, unconditional love.. that is easy to say.. hard to do.. no conditions wow.. i have lost most of my friends, my girl, etc going down this path, but it is my path. do you think a gay guy or a lesbian would "choose" that path? to be judged, hated, thought of as weird, abnormal, etc??? no.. they just are that.. they are being real to who they are no matter what. AS AM I