six

i have much to pour out today. first i am heading down to the chek institute with my pops tomorrow, so i wont be back to blogging until next monday ; ) today i have had many many many thoughts, i will share what i feel is most important for me to hear.. again, is there anyone else really here with me? and when i am talking am i really only talking to myself? i know these answers for my truths.. but think about this.. isn't it interesting that we give our best advice to others.. but find it hard to listen to our own inner advice, and in the end the advice you give to others is really the advice that you yourself should be listening to but we usually seek another to tell themselves there own advice to us, so we can listen to them.. hahahahaha seriously???????????? i am craking up for real out loud right now.. that is freakin funny.. and should give you a taste of how there really is no one else here.. imagine many different street lights running down the street, lets name those street lights = jator, sonja, nestor, alex, meg, julie, mariko, simone, jack, tom, matt, tara, etc... now each of these street lights are "seperate" in our perception and they are each their own street light, but here it is boys and girls they are all powered by the same "source" of energy, it is all the same light coming out of each of the posts or people.. interesting.. or am i nutz? well of course i believe i am not because i have seen and been this light and can remember it in this lifetime, but that is only my humble perception, projection, and since what i perceive i believe well it could all just be a very good story i have spun for myself so that i dont think i am crazy... but i could be..
i do not know my own best interests.. everything is as it should be.. perception creates reality.. what you think grows.. there is no one else here..
pops and i talking the other day about "i am's" i am a hockey player, i am a chek practitioner, i am athletic, i am, i am, i am, i am... really these i am's are also stories i have spun about who i am.. and there is a lot of attachment to these i am's. i can remember telling mariko that i would rather die than be in a wheelchair because i would no longer be who i am.. i said that because the amount of attachment to who "i am" is freaking humungous! i would rather be dead then be in a wheelchair because i would no longer be who i think i am.. funnny thing is that in my next lifetime i would be presented with the same lesson and would at somepoint have to work thru that.. now i am not saying i would be jumping for joy if i was in a wheelchair, and i dont know what i would do.. but my perception on the situation has changed into "i do not know my best interest" and that everything that happens to me experientially, has been placed there by nothing but unconditional love, and there are lessons and gifts NO MATTER WHAT! this is a hard one to swallow, especially when it comes to huge attachments, i learned this lesson loud and clear with my past relationship. so many gifts learned from my good friend mariko, i can never thank her enough, she was one of the catalysts three years ago to this path
and my time with her helped me to grow exponentially into who i am today, my time with her has taught me so many things about myself and my ego and without her in my life at the exact right time i may have never learned these lessons and found these paths but in this lifetime it was meant to be.. so many lessons, and gifts.

thank you bebe..